need a haircut? yalla

sin ciao

from the rice fields..

who da man yo?

(Grand Palace, Bangkok)

Swadatee Kaa!

from Bangkok..

Wat Pho, Temple of the Reclining Buddha

mushi mushi!

what time is it there? 1 am? 1 pm? i dont know anymore. looks like its 1 pm there's some light outside.

i feel and look like a zombie.

i refuse to have any contact with babies for at least a month. 5 of them cried nonstop on a 13 hour flight. torture i tell you. they made me rethink about having my own. i was sitting next to two of them before a hostess took me out of my misery. one of them later vomited on what was my seat. now imagine THAT.

the japanese r so cute. they actually do the stretching exercises that are featrued on the screen. all together in concert.

unlike the lebanese guys, they dont cheer and whistle after the captain perfectly lands a 2 floor plane (what do you call those).

watched 3 movies meanwhile: matchpoint (not good), dont come knocking (not good), Ashita no kioku (Memories of Tomorrow, awesome, about a businessman's struggle with alzheimer's..i loved it, watched it twice). also listened to Ziad's Shi Feshel. finally.

tokyo airport is so humid and stuffy i hate it.

I met a really cool Japanese painter/artist Makaasi Sato who lives in NY and coming to Tokyo for an exhibition (that's his up there, oil on canvas). he said his paintings sell for an average of $ 80,000. I smiled.

5 hrs to go before next (final) flight. i can do it. i will not lose my mind.

arigatto! (sank u)

yo yo

first stop: new york, terminal 1. so terminal 1 is apparently exclusive for Japan Airlines.

as soon as you enter the terminal you're in a totally different world.

everyone is super-polite and super japanese and i'm standing there wide-eyed lost in translation making believe i'm starring in one of my favorite movies. and everyone is staring at me cos i'm the only alien in there.

and the hostesses, where do i start with the hostesses. they're so cute and friendly and looking like perfect manequins in their little costumes..they bow to one another every few steps, it's a great thing to watch you feel like doing it yourself after a while..hy...arigatto..hyyy arigatto...ahhhhhhhhhhhh so exciting

alrighty..another update from tokyo in 13 hrs =(

Adios Montreal

leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks..bangkok (interesting name eh rouba?) and vietnam.

family time.

try not to miss me too much.

will send postcards.

it hasn't sunk in yet i guess: i'm walking away, for good this time, from the place that i fell in love with five years ago. this frozen city opened my eyes, destroyed my illusions, loved me in all sorts of ways, scarred me (inside out), screwed me, and changed me for life. but what a ride it has been. amazing really.

ps. if any of you girls is thinking about moving anytime soon, summertime is a great time to do it. trust me. not only will you get a great tan, but you can also enjoy the scenery (all types and colors) while doing so..(today was a very very hot day in montreal, the boys just HAD to take their shirts off)

kisses

the door to what used to be my place (#1111)

it's official

i'm done =)

total amnesia! (3 hrs to go)

2 days to go

i just thought i'll drop by and say hello

i cant wait for my defense to be over on tuesday

and for the big moving day to be over on wednesday

and till i fly to bangkok to meet my family on friday

in the meantime i'm trying to take in as much information as possible, and to remain calm as much as possible..

speaking of which, i went to see a movie yesterday at the Lebanus film festival which i posted about earlier, by Ziad Doueiri (West Beirut). it's called "Lila dit ca", and it actually turned out to be great..a soft presentation of simple human vulnerability and the need to be seen and to be loved..and how far our imagination can take us, down colorful roads as well as ugly ones..and how simple gestures can change our perceptions of others and of how we decide to live our lives. Great acting too.

and i also met moussa at the festival, another blogger/photographer who turned out to be a great and really funny guy..check out his photo collection here

i'll catch you guys later i guess

and you?

me gustas tu

sleepless or not
defending or not
moving or not
i know a connection when i see one
now i really tried to escape it
to ignore it
to mock it
but he insisted
and pleaded
and succeeded

and i'm dancing with him tonight

this weekend in montreal

3:32 am
2 half pills later
nothing
the pain is back
sharp
pulsating
i turn to the other side
another shot
radiating down my leg now
try the other side
i freeze
this is not happening
the more i move the more horrible it gets the more i cant lay still
i stare at the ceiling now
what a messed up piece of shit
no way in hell i'm going through this again
i suddenly remember calls i urgently need to make
first thing tomorrow
fuck
my back is killing me
i look away
boxes all over the place
i hate them
my life
in boxes
a snapshot of how it will always be
looking for something i'll probably never find
what am i looking for exactly?
i have no fucking idea.
what a retard.
i stare at the ceiling.
nothing.
nothingness.

horror!

kissing should be banned in coffeeshops.
and touching all over the place (get a room damn it).
and corny look-into-my-eyes lovy dovy shit.
i'm gonna murder someone soon.

help.

666..a few hours later..

"...your manuscript entitled "Interplay between chromatin and trans-acting factors regulating the Hoxd4 promoter during neural differentiation" has been accepted for publication and is tentatively scheduled for a September issue. Your paper will first be published online on the day it was accepted as a JBC Papers in Press and can be seen at www.jbc.org..."

happy 6.6.6

quoting Robert Fisk

"...we never really cared about Iraqis, which is why we refused to count their dead. Once the Iraqis turned upon the army of occupation with their roadside bombs and suicide cars, they became Arab "gooks," the evil sub-humans whom the Americans once identified in Vietnam. Get a president to tell us that we are fighting evil and one day we will wake to find that a child has horns, a baby has cloven feet.

Remind yourself these people are Muslims and they can all become little Mohamed Attas. Killing a roomful of civilians is only a step further from all those promiscuous air strikes that we are told kill 'terrorists" but which all too often turn out to be a wedding party or -- as in Afghanistan -- a mixture of "terrorists" and children or, as we are soon to hear, no doubt, "terrorist children."

For who can be held to account when we regard ourselves as the brightest, the most honorable of creatures, doing endless battle with the killers of Sept. 11 or July 7 because we love our country and our people -- but not other people -- so much. And so we dress ourselves up as Galahads, yes as Crusaders, and we tell those whose countries we invade that we are going to bring them democracy..."

aloneness

warning: sentimental post ahead

i dont know how or when it started. all i know is that for the longest time i have been refusing to watch dramas involving young actors. little girls in particular. i remember this movie about a girl in New zealand, Whale Rider i think it was called.I really wanted to see it but i didnt. yesterday i rented a movie that someone has recommended, and as it turned out it was about this little girl's experience in a country where she will always be treated a foreigner. from the very beginning, I could sense her sadness and loneliness.

when i look back at my childhood, i mainly sense "aloneness", not loneliness.

aloneness.

despite the fact that i had no reason whatsoever to be so. i have a wonderful family..it was a very "normal" period. it's just that the memories that resurface are of moments where i see myself isolated, observing people from a distance. and thinking.

sad thoughts and sad faces linger.

death.

sometimes i accidentally glance at pictures and i have to look away, as if i cant face her. as if i feel sorry for her, as if i understand, and there's nothing i can do about it because its too late. too late maybe to give her peace of mind and tell her "fuck everything just let go and have a blast..it's NOT your job to understand everything. to feel everyone's misery".

still, Totoro and Future Boy Conan are among my favorite movies..yes i tear up when i watch them, but still..i watch them. maybe it's because they're not really real? or am i making up for lost time?

Eros (2004)

Kar wai. Soderbergh. Antonioni.
3 directors.3 visions.

Kar Wai's "Hand": a young tailor in love with a call girl.
can you imagine making love to her, with only your fingers touching her dress?
with Chen Chang (3 times, 2046, Happy Together..umm..he's gorgeous?) and Kar Wai? oh yes.

Soderbergh's "Equilibrium": a guy (Robert Downy Jr) wakes up from one erotic dream only to fall into another. here he's with his psychiatrist (Alan Arkin) , who himself is having a little fling from the window (here trying to fly a paper plane while Rob is pouring his heart out). To me..well let's just say that i couldnt feel the spirit of Eros in the room at any time. It was great though, a bit comic, and a bit a la David Lynch.

Antonioni's "Dangerous thread of things": I thought the plot was somehow weak..as did the few reviews that i read. a man is mad at his wife because of the lack of desire between them, so he has an affair with another woman. BUT, the bad plot is made up for by amazing Tuscan scenery and in the last scene, where both women meet on the beach, face to face, wonderfully naked. I liked it, and kinda saw Eros.

my favorite: Kar wai of course. the combination of acting and music never fails to touch me. it's such an intense feeling, and i cant help it, he's incredible.

my idea of Eros? first scene: across the room. one long gaze.

in between..maybe another time (i have no idea).

final scene: he's standing behind her. not touching. faces so close. she can smell him and feel his breath on her neck. but not touching.

uncomfortably numb

Samir Kassir
May 5th 1960-June 2nd 2005

comfortably numb

only a draft..but still it's a start..

"All Lebanese citizens residing abroad have the possibility of exercising their electoral rights on the condition that their names appear on the electoral lists as per article 32 of this law."