so..

i keep waking up with this massive energy, an urge to do anything and everything..as if i'm gonna disappear or die soon. it's like i know i dont have enough time to do everything i want to do and i panic. but surely i dont really buy any of this crap (that you have a feeling that something bad is gonna happen), so..what the fuck?

confession of the day

i'm loving it!!

confession of the day

im living a quarter-life crisis. there i said it. fuck!

horror story of the day

i am wearing so many colors i look like my mom's kitchen towel

today i am

so alive i cant breathe
dark chocolate and raspberries
snow flakes and striped green mittens
one large latte please and dreams of a ridiculous man
eleven yellow tulips and warm brown uggs i could swear are olive green

explosions of colors in my head
of screaming longings for faces i know too well
of a million stories begging to be told
of music and distant suns and the taste of salty water
of fresh green almonds and bedtime stories
of pages turned and secret visits on early silent mornings

orgasm(s) of the day

mochi. and i mean, MULTIPLE ones. i CANNOT believe i have wasted (almost) 29 years of my life without having tried it.

and watching the lunar eclipse with an ecstatic/totally idiotic smile on my face (after running around in circles searching for the damn thing!!)

and speaking of orgasms, they finally found it!

thought of the day

i think my ipod has feelings for me

from my veins to the sea

news of the day

apparently i have a new roommate: his name is cosmo and he's a mouse.

on the origin of species

an amazing overview!

warm light on a winter's day

thought of the day

god bless foundation!

fond of y.o.u.

intermission (3)

Left Behind- Zero 7 (feat. José González)

ps. our brain is closed for maintenance for a while (obviously). enjoy the videos. both were directed/animated by Adam Bizanski. the whole setting of Pink Bullets video is created with paper mache and animated by hand. i love it!

intermission (2)

Pink Bullets- The Shins

intermission (1)

i just realized that

the guy whom i work with reminds me of my grandmother. is that too horrible?

breaking news of the day

wake up the children and release the pigs from the barn: i. am feeling. GOOD today. sunshine and smiling-back-to-strangers and dancing-in-the-lab-at-7-am and looking-forward-to-the-weekend kinda stuff!
james mercer: marry me.

today i am

a glass of water.
ice cold.

what?

secret of the day

as i was in the bus on my way to work this morning i realized that i forgot...my backpack!!! i kid you not!!

for gaza

today i am

a salad.

tea

neverwhere

tlayopi

event of the day

snowstorm! yey!!!

oh and apparently it's 'Bush day' in some parts of the planet. hahaha. bush day. imagine! hi, happy bush day. yeah happy bush day to you too. may all your days be- ok i'll stop now..that was mean. i'm losing my mind i think.

of sunny days and panic stations

shedaredtolookatthemtodayshethoughtshewasfineandshejustwantedtoseehisfacetoseehis
smilesoshesatdownanditwasokatfirstbutthenithappenedshecouldfeelitbuildingupslowlythe
heartbeatstheshortbreaththeshakinghandsbutshethoughtitwouldpassshetriedtocalmdown
shekeptremindingherselfthatthisiswhatlifeisallaboutthememoriesthemomentsthewarmth
butitwastoolateitwastoolatetostopitandfinallyithitherlikethunderanorgasmoflossanger
sorrowandallthepainintheworldflowedintoherveinsshecouldntbreatheanymorebutsheletit
consumehersheletitoutallofitoutandslowlyshecalmeddownshecouldfeelitleavingherbody
andsherealizedthatshehasnotfeltthisgoodinsuchalongtimeandshehopedthatshecould
sleeptonightshehopedthatshecouldsleepbecauseshehasntsleptindaysshekeepswakingup
shekeepswakingupandshekeepsdreamingthathessleepingrightnexttoherbuthenshewakes
upandsheremembersthatitwasnothingbutadreamjustlikeintheseainsidewhenhedreamsof
theseahedreamsofeverythingthatwillneverhappenagain

caress

mood of the day

grumpy,wet and unimpressed
with a hint of madness repressed

boy in the sun

dear diary

i think i might have felt something today. for a double chocolate chip cup cake.

12:34

thought of the day

i wanna go to Iceland and i wanna go now!!

timeless

lovestain

heaven: limited edition

columbus cafe

of fruits and other demons

run away with me

missing

it was dark. and cold. and quiet.
she was dark. and cold. and quiet.
never to be seen again.

la la lalala

yelo

quote of the day

"Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over" - Seinfeld

annapolis

silence is golden.

on a brighter note

to do this weekend:

- catch up on what remains of the Iranian film fest

- Drama and Desire: Japanese Paintings from the Floating World

- sleep

- cold and very long walks

18

i am empty and i have nothing to say.

except that i hate it that i type with two fingers. and that i'm wasting my days in a job i no longer enjoy. i actually cant stand it anymore. its boring me to death. actually its annoying me to death.

i was in the bathroom this morning and im just in there minding my own business, you know..and then this tiny mouse runs in between the little space between the door and the floor. so he walks in and he stares at me. and then he just sits there. staring. he looked so adorable! so i smiled at him and said hey whats up and he said nothing just sat there looking at me and wiggling his tail. so we sat there for a while until i was ready to leave and then i opened the door and he ran away in the hallway. and i came back to this stupid screen.

another story. tomorrow is thanksgiving here. i remember very well, ok- relatively well, what i did on that day last year. a friend and i wanted to go have dinner somewhere and decided to go to this upscale place which was totally not our style but we didnt have much choice. and it was raining like crazy and he was a bit pissed at me because of something i had done (he used to get pissed at me all the time). but anyway, we sat down and the waitress brought us the bread and the water and we ordered the food etc etc. and then we restarted the previous conversation and he continued to argue. it was so tense that i had to apologize the waitress and cancel the order and we both got up and left and then i dont remember what happened. bad stuff though. very embarrassing. we dont even talk anymore. yup.

only you

most of the time i just want to strangle you.
most of the time i wonder what on earth have i done to deserve this.
most of the time you drive me so insane i could explode.
but sometimes. just sometimes. you make me so happy. so happy that i forget everything around me.
like today. when you played that song and asked me to smile.

sunday secret -8-

01101001
01110111011000010110111001110100
0111010001101000011001010000110100001010
011100110110111101100001011100000000110100001010
0110010101101110011001000110100101101110011001110000110100001010

dear diary

i just remembered something and i dont know if it actually happened or if it was the alcohol.
on my way home this guy comes to me in the bus and introduces himself and says that we work in adjacent buildings and he always sees me around blabla. i mean i always see him around too but im not gonna tell him that that's for sure! but anyway. then he told me the most amazing thing. he works on butterflies. he's trying to identify the genes responsible for wing color and wing pattern in two different species. and then he said that he's going to be growing so many of them soon and that i can go and check them out. then he told me about those mice that have recently migrated to the shores and have since evolved a sandy skin color that is exactly the color of the sand on those shores as a type of camouflage. and that he thinks the genes are similar to the ones he's looking for in the butterflies.. other than that all i remember is that he was chewing a huge gum with an open mouth- while talking mind you. why do people do that? please stop! no. it's NOT cool.

snapshot- grave of the fireflies

the music you need to listen to is by kaoru kukita- Always with me (Studio Ghibli les Classiques). i'm too drunk to upload it.

anyway. as i was aaying. slaywas wth me.

i'm in love

just in case anyone's wondering why i haven't been around much lately, well, here it is.
my latest infatuation, my new boyfriend. and yes, black ofcourse.





i adore him!

sunday secret -7-

my palestine

this whore of a life

the dearest thing to your heart taken away forever. for reasons you'll never be able to grasp no matter how hard you try.

others seem to though. it makes sense to them. the logic of what's at stake. your uprising is getting you nowhere and it's only doing harm to you and everyone around you . you are needed somewhere else and this is what is expected from you because you are good strong responsible human beings.

you try to resist. over and over. till you're crushed. till there are no more weapons and no more hopes and no more will.

the thought of someone else breathing your air and sleeping in your bed and growing the tulips in your garden.

the realization that if this were to be a different reality none of this would have happened in the first place. that if this were a different time and a different place things would be so simple and justice would be a given and not an impossible quest. you still dont understand. you're like the women in Inland Empire.

you try to move on.

different faces different places. you genuinely try to forget because the whore left you no choice. and the harder you try the clearer it becomes that you're not only desperately trying to kid yourself, but you're pathetically lousy at it. every olive you eat is an olive branch. every scarf you wear. every glass of wine. every song every leaf every body every sunset every drop of rain.

and at night you dream of eternal sunshine. to be hit by a train and to wake up to nothingness. nothingness is the best you can wish for.

you tie yourself up and you slap your face over and over until you're blinded by your own tears. and when you cant take the torture anymore you turn around and glance at the place that's being offered to you instead. with its fake garden and fancy car and 'bright future'. you look back.

your home. under your skin. perpetual scars that won't heal.





you'll always be my home no matter where i sleep

thoughts of the day

- i hate my life
- i hate my life
- who's the slut!
- i hate my life

today

i met Ramzy Baroud

ggttca

my two cents on the Science museum and co.: huge mistake.
let the guy talk, hear him out, and then grill him. it's called debate.
censorship is boring.

to Watson. it's not cool. it's pathetic actually. not because you're a racist sexist moron, every other guy on the street is, so it really doesn't make you special in any way. but next time you decide to share one of your brilliant ideas with the world, at least have the decency to back it up with something, anything! otherwise it's no fun!!
not only do you lack scientific basis, but you also ignore the history, economics, and politics behind the tragedy in Africa.
just stick to the double helix and let's move on.

i'm cloudy with showers and possibility of thunderstorms

thought of the day

i'm pissed off at the whole fucking world. all of it!

great minds

We're about to get scooped. one day very soon we're gonna wake up and find our research nicely written up and published without us having anything to do with it.

lisa's working 14 hours a day. She's experiencing frequent episodes of critical thinking and genuine interest in very boring stuff. we're really worried.


we love flossing.

laila had an amazing dream yesterday. then we woke up with our nails pinned down to our palms. lulu was furious.

but. looking at the bright side, we still enjoy our special bridget jones moments throughout the day, and we remain dyslexic.

and we got a haircut today.
not only that, the whole thing including the roundtrip cost us 25 minutes and 20 dollars. the actual time we spent on that chair was 7 minutes. isn't that awesome.

and we all miss you.especially lulu.

fiiine. too much pressure from my 2 and a half fans.
cant a girl take a break around here?

sunday secret -6-

prayer

save me from my desires
make me forget my dreams
shield me from my impulses
help me erase what might have been

sunday secret -5-

just another day in Iraq

(nyt)

ode to a summer day

scars and souvenirs
saffron sun and salty skin
and a morning hush

i am free falling.

numb with my revelation.
high on my nausea.
my anger is dead.

floating in my own blood.
i am smiling.

colors of my mourning

but

but what
but nothing

...

i think we can fix this
aha (here we go again)
see? it's not so bad. it has bright colors and things. and you love blue. and look at all the little pieces they're so
shut up
i'm keeping it (you shut up).

sunday secret -4-

speed limit NONE

under the skin

a kiss on your molten eyes

sunday secret -3-

i am NOT a business transaction.
really.

come pick me up

and this is the sky

she waits in line. patiently at first. there are thirteen people ahead of her. all in blue uniform. why? she feels guilty she's not in one. she studies the face of the man who sits between her and the other side of the glass. she worries, she should have chosen the other line. always the wrong line. in the supermarket, in the bank, in the movie theater. he doesn't have the harsh exterior which guarantees her a soft inside. lots of paperwork and- does she actually need a visa? it has never crossed her mind until this moment. she panics. she looks back and notices the elegant older woman behind her. she leaves the line, and heads straight to the man in the white uniform. she explains the situation and he says there is no problem, she's in the right line. are you sure? yes, i'm sure. casually, with a smile. he doesn't seem to understand the situation, the days and nights and the other side of the glass. she asks him again, and again he reassures her, still, casually. she apologizes to the older woman and gets her place back. nine more people in blue uniform. and she with nothing but a passport.
he asks her about the reason for her visit. she pauses. then looks straight at him and smiles her favorite smile. visiting old friends. really. she even offers an address. he stamps it.
the rest is all hazy. she forgets about the people in blue uniform, and the guilt. she finds her very small bag full of nothing. she takes out the red hairbrush. it's eleven years old now. her dad bought it for her at a street fair a very very long time ago.
she brushes her hair slowly. too slowly she thinks. there is no rush. no rush at all.

itiwtloyl

dream about me

i am so happily confused

all that you can leave behind

Now that's democracy

Suspension of Entry as Immigrants and Nonimmigrants of Persons Responsible for Policies and Actions That Threaten Lebanon's Sovereignty and Democracy

A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

In order to foster democratic institutions in Lebanon, to help the Lebanese people preserve their sovereignty and achieve their aspirations for democracy and regional stability, and to end the sponsorship of terrorism in Lebanon, it is in the interest of the United States to restrict the international travel, and to suspend the entry into the United States, as immigrants or nonimmigrants, of aliens who deliberately undermine or harm Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, or benefit from policies or actions that do so, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence and intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, including section 212(f) of the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1952, 8 U.S.C. 1182(f), and section 301 of title 3, United States Code, hereby find that the unrestricted immigrant and nonimmigrant entry into the United States of persons described in section 1 of this proclamation would, except as provided for in sections 2 and 3 of this proclamation, be detrimental to the interests of the United States.

I therefore hereby proclaim that:

Section 1. The entry into the United States, as immigrants or nonimmigrants, of the following aliens is hereby suspended:

(a) Lebanese government officials, former Lebanese government officials, and private persons who deliberately undermine or harm Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, or contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence or intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon ;

(b) Syrian government officials, former Syrian government officials, and persons who meet the criteria for designation under section 3(a)(i) or (ii) of Executive Order 13338 of May 11, 2004, who deliberately undermine or harm Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, or contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence or intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon;

(c) Persons in Lebanon who act on behalf of, or actively promote the interests of, Syrian government officials by deliberately undermining or harming Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, or contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence or intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon;

(d) Persons who, through their business dealings with any of the persons described in subsection (a), (b), or (c) of this section, derive significant financial benefit from, or materially support, policies or actions that deliberately undermine or harm Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, or contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence or intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon; and

(e) The spouses and dependent children of persons described in subsections (a), (b), (c), and (d) of this section.

Sec. 2. Section 1 of this proclamation shall not apply with respect to any person otherwise covered by section 1 where entry of such person would not be contrary to the interests of the United States.

Sec. 3. Persons covered by section 1 or 2 of this proclamation shall be identified by the Secretary of State or the Secretary's designee, in his or her sole discretion, pursuant to such procedures as the Secretary may establish under section 5 of this proclamation.

Sec. 4. Nothing in this proclamation shall be construed to derogate from U.S. Government obligations under applicable international agreements.

Sec. 5. The Secretary of State shall have responsibility for implementing this proclamation pursuant to such procedures as the Secretary, in the Secretary's sole discretion, may establish.

Sec. 6. This proclamation is effective immediately. It shall remain in effect until such time as the Secretary of State determines that it is no longer necessary and should be terminated, either in whole or in part. Any such determination by the Secretary of State shall be published in the Federal Register.

Sec. 7. This proclamation is not intended to, and does not, create any right, benefit, or privilege, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity, by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, instrumentalities, or entities, its officers or employees, or any other person.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty eighth day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand seven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-first.

GEORGE W. BUSH

i am

a loser.

a freak. just like this one. could you spot the freak?

pink gets me high as a kite

world refugee day

black magic woman

little miss sunshine

i cant really remember when it started but i cannot think of a time when it wasnt there.
whether its an innate or an acquired trait i dont know. all i know is that its there and its probably the only thing that i call home.
i live in a bubble. yup. there, i said it. all by myself. its a wonderful place. really. i made it myself i dont remember when and i dont know how. and i am definitely NOT the person who could create anything worth the space since it takes me all evening to put a kinder surprise together. they're so complicated!
i see the atrocities every single day. i read them and i hear them and i feel them. and every single time i stumble on new shapes and forms i manage to feel yet again, so much shock and disgust and fascination by the stupidity of the human race. i often gasp. my friend tells me how sweet and somehow endearing that is and i never fail to detect the sarcasm in there and i take it well most of the time. so then i curse a bit and i hate a bit more and while i'm on my way to realizing that its the end of the world i get distracted by something so unremarkable that i cant remember what it is right now. i just remembered Picasso's 'The Dance of Youth'. i bought the poster the other day because as soon as i looked at it it reminded me of those little things that distract me (the things that i cant remember now). the point is that those little unremarkable things are the most beautiful things in the world. and they're all over the place.
so now as im writing this i realize that what it could actually be is simply that i cannot remember what makes me sad and bitter and so i just move along as they do in the painting. i dont know.
but anyway. i forgot what i wanted to write about in the first place but i remember that it was something positive surrounded by all the negatives in the world. but they cant get to it because it's safe in a beautiful (and unbreakable, a very important point to add here) bubble. i mean so many things and so many people have tried hard to break it and it didnt work so this suggests that its probably unbreakable. no? who cares!! not me. do i look like someone who cares? which reminds me of celia cruz's 'yo vivire' which is one of the most beautiful things i've listened to today.
i dont know why im going on and on like this and i'm totally sober. so incoherent i absolutely love it!
and you know what the funny thing is? i keep forgetting to buy a bubble maker.
so the moral of the story is that there is no moral in the story. none whatsoever.

where would you like to be my love

linger

too close

CFF07

Palme d'Or: 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days - Cristian Mungiu

60th anniversary award: Gus Van Sant for Paranoid Park

Grand Prize: Naomi Kawase , The Mourning Forest

Best Screenplay: Fatih Akin - Yasamin kiyisinda

Best Director: Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Best Actor: Konstantin Lavronenko -The Banishment

Best Actress: Jeon Do-yeon - Secret Sunshine

Jury Prize: Persepolis and Silent Light

Palme d'Or, Best Short Film: Ver Llover- Elisa Miller

always here for you

finally.
the US is sending us 6 planes full of ammo. isn't that just fabulous? you know what's really great, is that the US is always there to give a helping hand. just like last summer- up and ready to help Israel exterminate us. but hey, who cares! our government is in deep shit and Bush and friends, as always, are standing up against all enemies of peace and democracy.

as Kurt Vonnegut used to say, 'I had to laugh like hell.'

the shit has hit the fan

i am over-saturated with your bullshit.
i cannot take the charade any longer.
you and your gods and your countries and your democracies and your principles.
and your analysis and your accusations and your conspiracies and your strategies.

ignorance.
greed.
fascism.
violence.
injustice.
racism.
hatred.
destruction.

patriotism.
freedom.
modernization.
god.
democracy.
humanity.
justice for all.
my ass.

orgasmic

sunday secret -2-

i have a crush on Colin Hay

i saw him last week and now i can't stop thinking about him.
i love how pathetic i am.

(Lose to Win/Colin Hay/Are you Lookin' at Me?)

sleep

(other side of the world/kt tunstall/eye to the telescope)

I was naive enough to think that they would definitely make it out of this alive, i mean surely.
so, when we get to a point where a 25 year old is kidnapped and killed because of his political affiliations, you would think that we have reached the lowest of all lows. but when a 12 year old child is murdered because of his family's political affiliations, what do you do? how do you process this information? how do you proceed from here on? and how do you force yourself to move beyond the fact that a human being (in a country you (used to?) consider a part of what defines you) has actually murdered a 12 year old child FULLSTOP?

got five minutes?

and..still strangling Palestine

rest in peace