so..

i keep waking up with this massive energy, an urge to do anything and everything..as if i'm gonna disappear or die soon. it's like i know i dont have enough time to do everything i want to do and i panic. but surely i dont really buy any of this crap (that you have a feeling that something bad is gonna happen), so..what the fuck?

confession of the day

i'm loving it!!

confession of the day

im living a quarter-life crisis. there i said it. fuck!

horror story of the day

i am wearing so many colors i look like my mom's kitchen towel

today i am

so alive i cant breathe
dark chocolate and raspberries
snow flakes and striped green mittens
one large latte please and dreams of a ridiculous man
eleven yellow tulips and warm brown uggs i could swear are olive green

explosions of colors in my head
of screaming longings for faces i know too well
of a million stories begging to be told
of music and distant suns and the taste of salty water
of fresh green almonds and bedtime stories
of pages turned and secret visits on early silent mornings

orgasm(s) of the day

mochi. and i mean, MULTIPLE ones. i CANNOT believe i have wasted (almost) 29 years of my life without having tried it.

and watching the lunar eclipse with an ecstatic/totally idiotic smile on my face (after running around in circles searching for the damn thing!!)

and speaking of orgasms, they finally found it!

thought of the day

i think my ipod has feelings for me

from my veins to the sea

news of the day

apparently i have a new roommate: his name is cosmo and he's a mouse.

on the origin of species

an amazing overview!

warm light on a winter's day

thought of the day

god bless foundation!

fond of y.o.u.

intermission (3)

Left Behind- Zero 7 (feat. José González)

ps. our brain is closed for maintenance for a while (obviously). enjoy the videos. both were directed/animated by Adam Bizanski. the whole setting of Pink Bullets video is created with paper mache and animated by hand. i love it!

intermission (2)

Pink Bullets- The Shins

intermission (1)

i just realized that

the guy whom i work with reminds me of my grandmother. is that too horrible?

breaking news of the day

wake up the children and release the pigs from the barn: i. am feeling. GOOD today. sunshine and smiling-back-to-strangers and dancing-in-the-lab-at-7-am and looking-forward-to-the-weekend kinda stuff!
james mercer: marry me.

today i am

a glass of water.
ice cold.

what?

secret of the day

as i was in the bus on my way to work this morning i realized that i forgot...my backpack!!! i kid you not!!

for gaza

today i am

a salad.

tea

dear diary

you seem so down today. not good. i wish you were there with us. you would have wanted to write down each and every second we spent together. our moments smelled like fresh flannel, tasted like grapefruit and sounded like amy winehouse. and armand melies. and joshua's today.

one morning we were having one of our little wars and i frowned and said 'i wanna go home! now!' he was so happy to hear this that he immediately answered 'would you stay for lunch?', with such an adorable look that i just 'had to' say yes. we got stuck in my most favorite traffic jam and most precious whining session of all time, before ending up with the smurfs. and guess who joined us! yes. marvin ofcourse. but guess who else! no. no. no! ....(eyes rolling)...yes! olive oil!!...they were both sitting with us at (on) the table. it was so cool i thought (embarrassing he thought), all of us sitting there looking so dorky and just simply..'happy' i think is the word. dont you think?

anyway (anyway!), enough for you for now, and i have to go. so cheer up a little and show me a twenty nine. it aint gonna rain forever.

neverwhere

tlayopi

event of the day

snowstorm! yey!!!

oh and apparently it's 'Bush day' in some parts of the planet. hahaha. bush day. imagine! hi, happy bush day. yeah happy bush day to you too. may all your days be- ok i'll stop now..that was mean. i'm losing my mind i think.

of sunny days and panic stations

shedaredtolookatthemtodayshethoughtshewasfineandshejustwantedtoseehisfacetoseehis
smilesoshesatdownanditwasokatfirstbutthenithappenedshecouldfeelitbuildingupslowlythe
heartbeatstheshortbreaththeshakinghandsbutshethoughtitwouldpassshetriedtocalmdown
shekeptremindingherselfthatthisiswhatlifeisallaboutthememoriesthemomentsthewarmth
butitwastoolateitwastoolatetostopitandfinallyithitherlikethunderanorgasmoflossanger
sorrowandallthepainintheworldflowedintoherveinsshecouldntbreatheanymorebutsheletit
consumehersheletitoutallofitoutandslowlyshecalmeddownshecouldfeelitleavingherbody
andsherealizedthatshehasnotfeltthisgoodinsuchalongtimeandshehopedthatshecould
sleeptonightshehopedthatshecouldsleepbecauseshehasntsleptindaysshekeepswakingup
shekeepswakingupandshekeepsdreamingthathessleepingrightnexttoherbuthenshewakes
upandsheremembersthatitwasnothingbutadreamjustlikeintheseainsidewhenhedreamsof
theseahedreamsofeverythingthatwillneverhappenagain

caress

mood of the day

grumpy,wet and unimpressed
with a hint of madness repressed

boy in the sun

dear diary

i think i might have felt something today. for a double chocolate chip cup cake.

12:34

thought of the day

i wanna go to Iceland and i wanna go now!!

timeless

lovestain

heaven: limited edition

columbus cafe

of fruits and other demons

run away with me

missing

it was dark. and cold. and quiet.
she was dark. and cold. and quiet.
never to be seen again.

la la lalala

yelo

quote of the day

"Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over" - Seinfeld

annapolis

silence is golden.

on a brighter note

to do this weekend:

- catch up on what remains of the Iranian film fest

- Drama and Desire: Japanese Paintings from the Floating World

- sleep

- cold and very long walks

18

i am empty and i have nothing to say.

except that i hate it that i type with two fingers. and that i'm wasting my days in a job i no longer enjoy. i actually cant stand it anymore. its boring me to death. actually its annoying me to death.

i was in the bathroom this morning and im just in there minding my own business, you know..and then this tiny mouse runs in between the little space between the door and the floor. so he walks in and he stares at me. and then he just sits there. staring. he looked so adorable! so i smiled at him and said hey whats up and he said nothing just sat there looking at me and wiggling his tail. so we sat there for a while until i was ready to leave and then i opened the door and he ran away in the hallway. and i came back to this stupid screen.

another story. tomorrow is thanksgiving here. i remember very well, ok- relatively well, what i did on that day last year. a friend and i wanted to go have dinner somewhere and decided to go to this upscale place which was totally not our style but we didnt have much choice. and it was raining like crazy and he was a bit pissed at me because of something i had done (he used to get pissed at me all the time). but anyway, we sat down and the waitress brought us the bread and the water and we ordered the food etc etc. and then we restarted the previous conversation and he continued to argue. it was so tense that i had to apologize the waitress and cancel the order and we both got up and left and then i dont remember what happened. bad stuff though. very embarrassing. we dont even talk anymore. yup.

only you

most of the time i just want to strangle you.
most of the time i wonder what on earth have i done to deserve this.
most of the time you drive me so insane i could explode.
but sometimes. just sometimes. you make me so happy. so happy that i forget everything around me.
like today. when you played that song and asked me to smile.

sunday secret -8-

01101001
01110111011000010110111001110100
0111010001101000011001010000110100001010
011100110110111101100001011100000000110100001010
0110010101101110011001000110100101101110011001110000110100001010

dear diary

i just remembered something and i dont know if it actually happened or if it was the alcohol.
on my way home this guy comes to me in the bus and introduces himself and says that we work in adjacent buildings and he always sees me around blabla. i mean i always see him around too but im not gonna tell him that that's for sure! but anyway. then he told me the most amazing thing. he works on butterflies. he's trying to identify the genes responsible for wing color and wing pattern in two different species. and then he said that he's going to be growing so many of them soon and that i can go and check them out. then he told me about those mice that have recently migrated to the shores and have since evolved a sandy skin color that is exactly the color of the sand on those shores as a type of camouflage. and that he thinks the genes are similar to the ones he's looking for in the butterflies.. other than that all i remember is that he was chewing a huge gum with an open mouth- while talking mind you. why do people do that? please stop! no. it's NOT cool.

snapshot- grave of the fireflies

the music you need to listen to is by kaoru kukita- Always with me (Studio Ghibli les Classiques). i'm too drunk to upload it.

anyway. as i was aaying. slaywas wth me.

i'm in love

just in case anyone's wondering why i haven't been around much lately, well, here it is.
my latest infatuation, my new boyfriend. and yes, black ofcourse.





i adore him!

sunday secret -7-

my palestine

this whore of a life

the dearest thing to your heart taken away forever. for reasons you'll never be able to grasp no matter how hard you try.

others seem to though. it makes sense to them. the logic of what's at stake. your uprising is getting you nowhere and it's only doing harm to you and everyone around you . you are needed somewhere else and this is what is expected from you because you are good strong responsible human beings.

you try to resist. over and over. till you're crushed. till there are no more weapons and no more hopes and no more will.

the thought of someone else breathing your air and sleeping in your bed and growing the tulips in your garden.

the realization that if this were to be a different reality none of this would have happened in the first place. that if this were a different time and a different place things would be so simple and justice would be a given and not an impossible quest. you still dont understand. you're like the women in Inland Empire.

you try to move on.

different faces different places. you genuinely try to forget because the whore left you no choice. and the harder you try the clearer it becomes that you're not only desperately trying to kid yourself, but you're pathetically lousy at it. every olive you eat is an olive branch. every scarf you wear. every glass of wine. every song every leaf every body every sunset every drop of rain.

and at night you dream of eternal sunshine. to be hit by a train and to wake up to nothingness. nothingness is the best you can wish for.

you tie yourself up and you slap your face over and over until you're blinded by your own tears. and when you cant take the torture anymore you turn around and glance at the place that's being offered to you instead. with its fake garden and fancy car and 'bright future'. you look back.

your home. under your skin. perpetual scars that won't heal.





you'll always be my home no matter where i sleep

thoughts of the day

- i hate my life
- i hate my life
- who's the slut!
- i hate my life

today

i met Ramzy Baroud

ggttca

my two cents on the Science museum and co.: huge mistake.
let the guy talk, hear him out, and then grill him. it's called debate.
censorship is boring.

to Watson. it's not cool. it's pathetic actually. not because you're a racist sexist moron, every other guy on the street is, so it really doesn't make you special in any way. but next time you decide to share one of your brilliant ideas with the world, at least have the decency to back it up with something, anything! otherwise it's no fun!!
not only do you lack scientific basis, but you also ignore the history, economics, and politics behind the tragedy in Africa.
just stick to the double helix and let's move on.

i'm cloudy with showers and possibility of thunderstorms

thought of the day

i'm pissed off at the whole fucking world. all of it!

spoiled brat

- so..let me get this strait
- ...
- if i dont, you dont like
- right
- and if i do, you dont like
- correct
- is there anything i can do that you might like
- i dont like it when you're like this
- what do you like
- i dont like anything. i'm boycotting you.
- tab lek
- shou
- boycott away.
- i will. bye
- ... bye
- wait!
- what?
- don't go
- (spoiled brat)
- what?
- what
- what did you say?
- nothing
- no no i heard something
- nope. i didn't say anything
- (weirdo...)
- (moron...)

great minds

We're about to get scooped. one day very soon we're gonna wake up and find our research nicely written up and published without us having anything to do with it.

lisa's working 14 hours a day. She's experiencing frequent episodes of critical thinking and genuine interest in very boring stuff. we're really worried.


we love flossing.

laila had an amazing dream yesterday. then we woke up with our nails pinned down to our palms. lulu was furious.

but. looking at the bright side, we still enjoy our special bridget jones moments throughout the day, and we remain dyslexic.

and we got a haircut today.
not only that, the whole thing including the roundtrip cost us 25 minutes and 20 dollars. the actual time we spent on that chair was 7 minutes. isn't that awesome.

and we all miss you.especially lulu.

fiiine. too much pressure from my 2 and a half fans.
cant a girl take a break around here?

sunday secret -6-

prayer

save me from my desires
make me forget my dreams
shield me from my impulses
help me erase what might have been

sunday secret -5-

help!!

so i wake up this morning and i find those two boxers lying around on the floor in my studio. i have no idea where they came from. really i dont!! i dont even remember having someone here last night (unfortunately). i just remember coming home watching some TV and having dinner and sleeping.
so i need your help in solving this mystery. how do you think these boxers made it to my apartment? can you give me any clues about the owner's personality based on the photo?
anyway, if not, and if you think you recognize these boxers, or know someone who have lost theirs, let me know.
oh, and if you like them email me your address and i'll send them to you. they're supersexy (cough).

just another day in Iraq

(nyt)

ode to a summer day

scars and souvenirs
saffron sun and salty skin
and a morning hush

i am free falling.

numb with my revelation.
high on my nausea.
my anger is dead.

floating in my own blood.
i am smiling.

colors of my mourning

but

but what
but nothing

...

i think we can fix this
aha (here we go again)
see? it's not so bad. it has bright colors and things. and you love blue. and look at all the little pieces they're so
shut up
i'm keeping it (you shut up).

sunday secret -4-

speed limit NONE

under the skin

a kiss on your molten eyes

sunday secret -3-

i am NOT a business transaction.
really.

come pick me up

and this is the sky

she waits in line. patiently at first. there are thirteen people ahead of her. all in blue uniform. why? she feels guilty she's not in one. she studies the face of the man who sits between her and the other side of the glass. she worries, she should have chosen the other line. always the wrong line. in the supermarket, in the bank, in the movie theater. he doesn't have the harsh exterior which guarantees her a soft inside. lots of paperwork and- does she actually need a visa? it has never crossed her mind until this moment. she panics. she looks back and notices the elegant older woman behind her. she leaves the line, and heads straight to the man in the white uniform. she explains the situation and he says there is no problem, she's in the right line. are you sure? yes, i'm sure. casually, with a smile. he doesn't seem to understand the situation, the days and nights and the other side of the glass. she asks him again, and again he reassures her, still, casually. she apologizes to the older woman and gets her place back. nine more people in blue uniform. and she with nothing but a passport.
he asks her about the reason for her visit. she pauses. then looks straight at him and smiles her favorite smile. visiting old friends. really. she even offers an address. he stamps it.
the rest is all hazy. she forgets about the people in blue uniform, and the guilt. she finds her very small bag full of nothing. she takes out the red hairbrush. it's eleven years old now. her dad bought it for her at a street fair a very very long time ago.
she brushes her hair slowly. too slowly she thinks. there is no rush. no rush at all.

itiwtloyl

dream about me

shanghai tang

your phone is off.
and the power just went off.
did you believe me when i told you how insecure i was? i know you didnt.
you're an idiot.
you think that i'm the one who has no idea but it's you. you're the one who has no idea whatsoever.
i have a (nother) confession. i never ever expected things to end up the way they did. i know you think that that's a lie.
you're an idiot.
but sometimes during my daily daydreaming sessions they would get close. close, but not that amazing.
how could something so simple be that beautiful. and how could it not.
it's very confusing.

i am so happily confused

all that you can leave behind

Now that's democracy

Suspension of Entry as Immigrants and Nonimmigrants of Persons Responsible for Policies and Actions That Threaten Lebanon's Sovereignty and Democracy

A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

In order to foster democratic institutions in Lebanon, to help the Lebanese people preserve their sovereignty and achieve their aspirations for democracy and regional stability, and to end the sponsorship of terrorism in Lebanon, it is in the interest of the United States to restrict the international travel, and to suspend the entry into the United States, as immigrants or nonimmigrants, of aliens who deliberately undermine or harm Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, or benefit from policies or actions that do so, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence and intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, including section 212(f) of the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1952, 8 U.S.C. 1182(f), and section 301 of title 3, United States Code, hereby find that the unrestricted immigrant and nonimmigrant entry into the United States of persons described in section 1 of this proclamation would, except as provided for in sections 2 and 3 of this proclamation, be detrimental to the interests of the United States.

I therefore hereby proclaim that:

Section 1. The entry into the United States, as immigrants or nonimmigrants, of the following aliens is hereby suspended:

(a) Lebanese government officials, former Lebanese government officials, and private persons who deliberately undermine or harm Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, or contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence or intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon ;

(b) Syrian government officials, former Syrian government officials, and persons who meet the criteria for designation under section 3(a)(i) or (ii) of Executive Order 13338 of May 11, 2004, who deliberately undermine or harm Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, or contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence or intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon;

(c) Persons in Lebanon who act on behalf of, or actively promote the interests of, Syrian government officials by deliberately undermining or harming Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, or contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence or intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon;

(d) Persons who, through their business dealings with any of the persons described in subsection (a), (b), or (c) of this section, derive significant financial benefit from, or materially support, policies or actions that deliberately undermine or harm Lebanon's sovereignty, its legitimate government, or its democratic institutions, or contribute to the breakdown in the rule of law in Lebanon, including through the sponsorship of terrorism, politically motivated violence or intimidation, or the reassertion of Syrian control in Lebanon; and

(e) The spouses and dependent children of persons described in subsections (a), (b), (c), and (d) of this section.

Sec. 2. Section 1 of this proclamation shall not apply with respect to any person otherwise covered by section 1 where entry of such person would not be contrary to the interests of the United States.

Sec. 3. Persons covered by section 1 or 2 of this proclamation shall be identified by the Secretary of State or the Secretary's designee, in his or her sole discretion, pursuant to such procedures as the Secretary may establish under section 5 of this proclamation.

Sec. 4. Nothing in this proclamation shall be construed to derogate from U.S. Government obligations under applicable international agreements.

Sec. 5. The Secretary of State shall have responsibility for implementing this proclamation pursuant to such procedures as the Secretary, in the Secretary's sole discretion, may establish.

Sec. 6. This proclamation is effective immediately. It shall remain in effect until such time as the Secretary of State determines that it is no longer necessary and should be terminated, either in whole or in part. Any such determination by the Secretary of State shall be published in the Federal Register.

Sec. 7. This proclamation is not intended to, and does not, create any right, benefit, or privilege, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity, by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, instrumentalities, or entities, its officers or employees, or any other person.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty eighth day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand seven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-first.

GEORGE W. BUSH

i am

a loser.

a freak. just like this one. could you spot the freak?

pink gets me high as a kite

world refugee day

black magic woman

little miss sunshine

i cant really remember when it started but i cannot think of a time when it wasnt there.
whether its an innate or an acquired trait i dont know. all i know is that its there and its probably the only thing that i call home.
i live in a bubble. yup. there, i said it. all by myself. its a wonderful place. really. i made it myself i dont remember when and i dont know how. and i am definitely NOT the person who could create anything worth the space since it takes me all evening to put a kinder surprise together. they're so complicated!
i see the atrocities every single day. i read them and i hear them and i feel them. and every single time i stumble on new shapes and forms i manage to feel yet again, so much shock and disgust and fascination by the stupidity of the human race. i often gasp. my friend tells me how sweet and somehow endearing that is and i never fail to detect the sarcasm in there and i take it well most of the time. so then i curse a bit and i hate a bit more and while i'm on my way to realizing that its the end of the world i get distracted by something so unremarkable that i cant remember what it is right now. i just remembered Picasso's 'The Dance of Youth'. i bought the poster the other day because as soon as i looked at it it reminded me of those little things that distract me (the things that i cant remember now). the point is that those little unremarkable things are the most beautiful things in the world. and they're all over the place.
so now as im writing this i realize that what it could actually be is simply that i cannot remember what makes me sad and bitter and so i just move along as they do in the painting. i dont know.
but anyway. i forgot what i wanted to write about in the first place but i remember that it was something positive surrounded by all the negatives in the world. but they cant get to it because it's safe in a beautiful (and unbreakable, a very important point to add here) bubble. i mean so many things and so many people have tried hard to break it and it didnt work so this suggests that its probably unbreakable. no? who cares!! not me. do i look like someone who cares? which reminds me of celia cruz's 'yo vivire' which is one of the most beautiful things i've listened to today.
i dont know why im going on and on like this and i'm totally sober. so incoherent i absolutely love it!
and you know what the funny thing is? i keep forgetting to buy a bubble maker.
so the moral of the story is that there is no moral in the story. none whatsoever.

where would you like to be my love

linger

too close

CFF07

Palme d'Or: 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days - Cristian Mungiu

60th anniversary award: Gus Van Sant for Paranoid Park

Grand Prize: Naomi Kawase , The Mourning Forest

Best Screenplay: Fatih Akin - Yasamin kiyisinda

Best Director: Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Best Actor: Konstantin Lavronenko -The Banishment

Best Actress: Jeon Do-yeon - Secret Sunshine

Jury Prize: Persepolis and Silent Light

Palme d'Or, Best Short Film: Ver Llover- Elisa Miller

always here for you

finally.
the US is sending us 6 planes full of ammo. isn't that just fabulous? you know what's really great, is that the US is always there to give a helping hand. just like last summer- up and ready to help Israel exterminate us. but hey, who cares! our government is in deep shit and Bush and friends, as always, are standing up against all enemies of peace and democracy.

as Kurt Vonnegut used to say, 'I had to laugh like hell.'

the shit has hit the fan

i am over-saturated with your bullshit.
i cannot take the charade any longer.
you and your gods and your countries and your democracies and your principles.
and your analysis and your accusations and your conspiracies and your strategies.

ignorance.
greed.
fascism.
violence.
injustice.
racism.
hatred.
destruction.

patriotism.
freedom.
modernization.
god.
democracy.
humanity.
justice for all.
my ass.

orgasmic

sunday secret -2-

i have a crush on Colin Hay

i saw him last week and now i can't stop thinking about him.
i love how pathetic i am.

(Lose to Win/Colin Hay/Are you Lookin' at Me?)

sleep

(other side of the world/kt tunstall/eye to the telescope)

I was naive enough to think that they would definitely make it out of this alive, i mean surely.
so, when we get to a point where a 25 year old is kidnapped and killed because of his political affiliations, you would think that we have reached the lowest of all lows. but when a 12 year old child is murdered because of his family's political affiliations, what do you do? how do you process this information? how do you proceed from here on? and how do you force yourself to move beyond the fact that a human being (in a country you (used to?) consider a part of what defines you) has actually murdered a 12 year old child FULLSTOP?

got five minutes?

and..still strangling Palestine

rest in peace

la la la

Marcel

I got to see Marcel Khalife this weekend in new york. Together with Bassam Saba, he was a special guest with the absolutely amazing Absolut Ensemble at their 'Arabian Nights' performance.

The way this man can transform me with the slightest brush of his oud or his softest 'masa lkheir' is something i fail to express in words. all i can do is share a few facts with you.

- he started with 'The Night's morning" and dedicated it to his late friend Joseph Smaha.
- he sang 'Jawaz El Safar". Need I say more? he dedicated it to the officer at the airport who asked him whether they have music in Lebanon.
- he sang 'Ya Bahriyyee'.
- he sang "Amurru bi Ismiki". Again, no words to say.


I also want to share with you a small part of what he writes in his latest album Taqasim..on his feelings for the poetry of Mahmoud Darwish:

"For many years, my music has enjoyed a special, and especially gratifying, association with the poetry of Mahmoud Darwish. Our respective corpora have grown to be reminiscent of each other, so that the name of each of the twain, instantly and without reflection, would evoke the name of the other. How very appropriate, for all of my musical milestones that punctuate my thirty-year career, beginning with “Promises of the Storm” and culminating with “The Doves Fly,” are graced with the lyricism and poignancy that are uniquely Darwishian. Even before we got to know each other personally, I felt as though Darwish’s poetry, with its divine assertiveness and prophetic cadences, had been revealed to me and for me. I could nearly savor his “mother’s bread” that has become iconic to his readers. I could feel the eyes of his “Rita” as deeply as I could feel the pain that his “Joseph” suffered at the hands of his treacherous siblings, and I could identify with his passport, which I fancied carried my picture, just as personally as I could identify with his olive grove, his sand, and his sparrows. They were all, at a personal level, mine."

and there i was..all inspired and ready to hit the town in style

hoechst

my new hangout

as you go left and i stay right

sunday secret -1-

all over the place

a wicked old witch lives here and her name is soledad. i have never seen her but i know she's there.

blue moon

i keep falling in love with everything around me

chill

Should I have talked about Juliette or the leaves, since it's impossible to do both at once? Let's say that both, on this October evening, trembled slightly.

schoolbooks and borders

corazon loco

i think i have a thing for trees

surreal

queen of the kitchen

I woke up this morning to too much bitterness. yesterday was beautiful and so naturally today's bitter. i decided against going to work. i've learned not to start experiments when mad. they tend to sense it and end up being bitchy and uncooperative. and then i become aggressive and then hell breaks loose.

i needed positive energy. basil. there is nothing more calming than the smell of fresh basil. well there is. but today i had a basil fixation. so i got two tiny plants, you know, the ones they have at the supermarkets. and i made pesto. now i have witnesses to what i am about to say. you will never- and i mean never- taste more orgasmic pesto than the one i made today.

too complicated

dude

hmm..

good night

it's been a year since i started this blog. one year. talk about commitment!

anyway, this is going to be the last post on this blog. I feel that I have nothing more to say here. I would like to move on and take a bow. it feels somehow like a lot of baggage you know?

I was planning this before the war started, but then the war started, and I couldn't just shut up. and then I forgot about it. and lately it's been on my mind. so.

having said that, i'm not leaving completely, so dont get too excited. i'm definitely going to be reading you, and passionately (sometimes nicely) commenting on what you have to say.

i'm also thinking of starting another blog. mostly photos, and a maybe few words here and there. so i'll be around. just on another spot, and in a different format. and anyway, who knows what happens, right? why does this suddenly feel like i'm trying to break up nicely with you guys? well, i'm not. maybe i am. anyway, khalas, it's over!

it's been great. really.
thanks for reading and commenting and for making this page so hard to part with.

one more thing. live that moment. you know, the one that makes you happy. the one that makes your seemingly hopeless exhausting pointless life worth living. dont just refuse it because it's too inconvenient or impractical or whatever. if it makes you happy, it cant be that bad, right?

shit this is not easy at all.

tayyeb.

bye now.

lucid

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(Five String Serenade/Mazzy Star/So Tonight that I Might See)

die

we had another arguement last night. it was clear that we can no longer co-exist.
I could not understand how or why she continues to behave in this way.
I felt that she was weak and pathetic and that having her in my life will only make things worse.
I felt bad for her but at the same time I have had enough of her childish fits and stupid aspirations.
there was only one thing left to do.

under the influence

(Wonderland/Sol Seppy/The Bells of 1 2)

silence

very very boring post.

so I'm back in Boston and for all I know the temperature is 17 celsius. + 1 7. I know it's lame to talk about the weather, but it's January. and I'm in Boston. Last year in January when I was in Montreal and the temperature was -17 we used to think that it's somehow mild for January but we'll live with it. Now it's actually hot and you can't wear a jacket even if you want to. I need winter and snow and I want to wear my scarves and hats. I lived in canada for 5 yrs for god's sake, this is not good for me.

but anyway, putting me aside, this is bad. i really think more people should take the two words 'global' and 'warming' a bit more seriously. sorry for boring you, but we need to consciously start working on ourselves and try to stop destroying this place. but what else can we expect from ourselves when we do so much injustice to one another all too gracefully.

what you can do at home

what you can do at work

what you can do on the road

pic: it actually did snow once this past fall, on December 4th.thankfully i documented it and so I'm still very hopeful that it will be happening again very soon.

leaving

with bits and pieces of you all.
I'll miss you.

moleskine

I passed by the narrow streets today like I've done a thousand times before but never like today.

' I sat beside you and became myself'

I was thinking. ma fee de3eh.
You are my plan B and I am your community service.
I'll meet you halfway.
It's quiet and cozy in here and how pathetic was what you just said.

lets make one more stop. and maybe one more.
I have you on video.

we're out of cigarettes and you look nice tonight.
we're like stupid teenagers and the barman is worried and there's no other place I'd rather be.

I'm leaving in the morning but you're the one who's leaving first.

that day of your year and that day of my year happened to be on the same day of the year how awesome is that.


I was with you this morning as you put on your fake smile and drifted into comfortable numbness. could it get any fucking lonelier?

drop everything. grab your bags. and your bookstamp and your corkscrews and come live with me.


(pic: Bterram- ElKoura, Lebanon)

2007

(El-Mina, Lebanon)

number four

I almost fucking died tonight.
but again i didnt. i only ended up with a scar on my right knee.

more on Beirut soon.

I'm going home.

(pic: somewhere in Boston)

sweet sixteen yo!

sugar and spice and all things nice..

happy birthday ya zgheereh. the most beautiful sixteen year old in the world. anyone dare say otherwise?

I love you baby. joy of my life. what keeps me going.
see you soon. we're gonna have a blast, as always. and mom will go nuts. as always :)

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(Chocolate Brown- The Cranberries)

us- on the inside, and in slow motion

a peek of what's going on right now in any one of our cells.
despite this awesome animation and the huge simplification (things are a bit more crowded in there), all of these fascinating movements (the 'walking', 'hugging', the brilliant 'team strategies') actually take place in real life in exactly the same way, and they all work together in such harmony and precision..how cool is that?

thanks megz

you and me and and our favorite characters over burgers and fries.
i love discussing those books with you. the sadness of reaching the last page and the feeling of desertion and emptiness that follows. and when the characters become those friends that you miss and worry about and smile when you think of.
i hesitated before that hug you know. as you stormed out of the elevator i realized how much i love you and how lucky i am to have you somewhere in my life. i smiled and i felt like a kid with high heels who has just fallen in love with a nutcracker.

(pic: yes, the usual, harvard yard, it was a beautiful day today and i felt so good and in love with everyone as i was walking to work in the morning...i even smiled to strangers...should i be worried?)

(thanks roubA)

soho

to all "civilized" individuals complaining of "peasants" and "sheep" downtown

I think most of you are doing a not-so-bad job in hiding your disgust for your fellow lebanese (yes, Lebanese I dared type!) demonstrators under the slogans of 'the constitution', 'democracy' 'anti-syrian/iranian' and 'pro-national unity'..very nice work so far. but see, some people are too transparent. I mean really it's starting to seem as if you have something real personal against those lebanese men and women, i dont know, could it be the way they're dressed, the minimal use of french/english/'westernized' protocols..or the fact that they are camped out in front of buddha bar with their argiles and stuff...? horror!

a few examples:
- name calling: syrians, iranians (not that there's anything wrong with it, but fyi, they're as lebanese as you are- whatever that means), traitors, sheep, dirty/uncivilized, monkeys performing tricks, terrorists (you're starting to remind me of bush and his racist friends by the way)..etc etc
- direct advice: on how to conduct 'clean' 'civilized' demonstrations just as those carried out by the march 14 'secular' 'intellectuals'
- indirect advice: on how these primitive demonstrations are absurd because 'soon they'll all be back to the gutters they came from'..and so on and so forth, you get the picture

the music is fading, and your words can be clearly heard. enough with the arrogance. the double standards. the ignorance. the delusions. etc. etc.

hahaha

President Bush's policy in Iraq "is not working," the Iraq Study Group said in releasing its long-awaited report.

and such a pretty girl

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new york

back in a bit

(harvard square)

no answers

so the problem as we all know, besides the extraordinary leadership qualities of our 'leaders', is that those morons have completely different definitions of the word 'Lebanon'. How can any reasonable solution come out of all this chaos when those people cannot even agree on a unified goal. each party envisions a Lebanon in which the other is crushed down and is devoid of any significant say in the country's fate. and what is sad is that people seem continue to believe in and admire them! I hear that people are getting inspired by Jumblat's and Gaegae's speeches (instant vomit). I mean did you see how pathetic they were in Gemayel's funeral?! give me a break people. as long as this goes on I think it's absurd to hope for any kind of development. please dont fall for their insulting calls for 'a unified lebanon'. I dont see a single one of them truly working for a unified peaceful solution. please correct me if i'm wrong. as long as warlords and sectarianism are in the picture, all we can do is vent, sit back and hope for a miracle.

The wounds of war are not always inflicted by bullets, and the killers are not always soldiers. This is the story of a family, made from who was left.

Red is for Emmy. The story of an Orphan.

watch the video

...

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imagine the world without us. the universe. the trees and the seas and the wind and the rain and the snow and the silence. the beauty of it all.
what a terrible error.
humanity.
hate and selfrighteousness and arrogance.
and knowing it all and understanding it all.
and doing the right thing.
and teaching you a lesson.
and judging you while i do the same.
and selfishness.
and watching while you suffer.
and taking pleasure in it. secretly.
and inflicting that pain and getting even more pleasure.
and hiding it all with such wittiness. behind the curtain of intellectuality and intelligence and education and culture and civilization. while if we were allowed to be free from our social laws (which we created in the first place to hide our ugliness with the veil of civilization and sophistication) we would tie the weak to a chain and degrade them until we reach orgasm.
and again.
until we make them as ugly as we are.
but.werent they ugly to begin with? in that case..

If there is any town this world would be better without this is it. (Dogville)

dont miss the meteor shower tonight!

"Viewers along the northeastern coast of the United States and Canada, as well as people in Europe and western Africa might get to see a possible "outburst" of as many as 100-600 meteors per hour. This spike in activity is predicted for 11:45 p.m. - 1:33 a.m. EST on November 18-19 (4:45 - 6:33 UT on November 19)" (from planetary.org)

also, 10 cool facts about meteor showers here

so excited

update: no meteors for me :-(
gus and i went to the park but it was impossible. too cloudy and artificially lit. boston. bostonians are very angry i hear.

but this morning i woke up and i remembered the most amazing dream. seriously. i dreamt that me and gus were waiting for them but this time it was on a beach and there were other people as well but we didnt know them. then the sky suddenly became somehow bright as if its dawn, and the clouds became light violet. there werent that many of them. and then the meteors started one after the other and i would get so excited and point to them with my finger 'gus look look its right there!' and he would look and then another one would come and i would get more excited. and everone went crazy at the same time, you could here the screams starting in concert then fading. and they were not all the same, the meteors. they had either a reddish glow or a greyish silvery one. and finally i looked to the left, and there were four silver ones moving upwards (strangely enough), and a bigger reddish one, moving downwards past them. it was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. and they would all splash into the sea and make a little tiny explosion like the ones you see in animes.

I've been trying hard to repress the urge of expressing my utter disgust at the 'situation' back home. actually more specifically at what i am reading on political blogs- sectarian posts, sectarian comments, and most of all sectarian insults.
but i cant anymore. not that anybody cares anyway.
what the fuck is wrong with you people.
who are our leaders now. an impotent president. a bunch of murderers and warlords claiming righteousness and morality. and the right to rule the country.

but this is not what worries me. what worries me is the shocking display of sectarianism among people who are supposedly 'educated' and 'cultured' and who claim that they wish to build a 'prosperous country'- together.
i hate religion.
i hate our constitution.
i hate our filthy leaders.
and i hate to see you fall for this madness.
forget about your sect for just 1 minute and think of the possibilities that we have.
no wait. dont bother. the Lebanon that we want is just an illusion. it will never exist. it never did. it's all in our heads.
and hence the everlasting nostalgia, for a magnificent dream we were told about when we were little.
for a home we'll never have.

and the daffodils looked lovely today

going home

my Montreal

wont be long

(the pic is Boston though, so she doesnt get jealous..shhh)

who you calling tired?

fabulous moi?

from Calvin and Hobbes

you know when you cant remember who you are anymore?

when you wake up one day to this strange place, to this cold feeling, and you slowly forget what it was that made you laugh uncontrollably, that made you cry when you catch a hint of sadness in someone's eyes.

and you think that you have become this numb clump of flesh and blood. who smiles and says thank you, i'm sorry, have a great weekend, i'm tired and i just want to stay in bed all day. and it's cold outside anyway.

my friends visited this weekend. my old friends.
i saw my reflection in the water.

him again

(spotted in cambridge yesterday)

meet the neighbors, aren't they cute? I love them.

not a bad view considering its from my window (yes we do have those and yes I know you can see the reflection) at work

walk me home
and tell me

how are they back home

being there

and the hardest thing is not being there. for the morning coffee and evening tea. for the secret crushes and the midnight snacks. the silly jokes and the stolen joints. singing in the shower and tasting that scotch.
so many things i want to say to you and when we meet i forget them all. pretend they're not there. and they keep staring back at me. mocking me.
i look at you and i say them in my head and they sound so easy. and important and beautiful.
i finally gather all the courage i can find and i cant open my mouth.
why is it that i say so little to you and so much to everyone else.

hope you never grow old

and speaking of illusions



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(Yaya- Ringe Ringe Raja, Goran Bregovic, Underground)

illusions of comfort

and comforts of illusion

Maher Arar: The Horrors of Extraordinary Rendition

Maher Arar, a Canadian citizen, was a victim of the U.S. policy known as "extraordinary rendition." He was detained by U.S. officials in 2002, accused of terrorist links, and handed over to Syrian authorities, who tortured him for 10 months. He delivered his acceptance speech for the Letelier Moffit human rights award in a pre-recorded videotape. This is a transcript of his speech.

you can also watch the video here

Long live the American government, so it can continue to spread democracy and justice across the world.

Syrian torturing techniques require no introduction.

not that there's anything wrong with it

from phd comics

come play with me

(Vanderbilt children's hospital)

myself and I

- too late
- no it's not
- but they've already fallen
- so?
- and the door is shut
- ...
- ...
- let's try the other side
- let's

sunday

are you happy at work?
if yes, rub it in and tell me why.
if not, then what are you hanging on to? are you miserable? indifferent?

there, you even get to listen to this divine voice while thinking about it


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Our Lebanon

Check out stunning photos of Lebanon by French photographer Pascal Beaudenon here.

simply beautiful.

open your eyes

when did it all happen
when was it that you became a miserable little thing

remove the stains uncover the scars and step out onto the sidewalk

open your eyes

your life

is passing by

fifteen minutes with you

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to my favorite telomere girl

a few days ago you wrote to me..

...i wanted to forget about my present, to forget about where i am, what i am, who i am ...so i found myself listening to fairuz, remembering random stuff from the past ... All of a sudden, fairuz decided to start singing sanarjo3o yawman... i remembered something and i had a smile on my face after that ......do you recall when we sat once at your place, in your garden..it was around 6 or 7, close to sunset, best time of a summer day .. and we sat outside listening to fairuz singing sanarji3o yowman .... .and you said that this song was your favorite one ... we wondered if "sanarji3o yowman" of course i said no, you said yes ... damn it how naive we or at least i was at the moment , how little we knew of what is waiting for us .. how excited we were , but how clueless ... how far we have gone, but at the same time to what extent it is nowhere ...

babe, we're still as excited and as clueless..some things will always be the same..

dont ever change.

i never told you how much i loved that email. you know i dont say much.

happy birthday beautiful.

Suicide

I refuse this body. I fucking refuse it.
I do not want it. I do not want to be it. I do not want it to be me.
I do not understand why I must be confined within its pathetic borders in order to be.
I want it gone. Dead.
It has become peacefully numb. The air was thick. I opened its eyes and I could not see.
Steam filled the place. It could not breath.
I closed its eyes and there I was. In comfortable darkness is where I belong.
I could not see. I could not hear. I could not feel.
And for the first time in days I could breath. And it could not.
I breathed and I breathed and I breathed.

question for the ladies

to what extent do hormones control your life?

i'm like a slave for my own body.
it's not funny. not funny at all.

(the boys should not hesitate if they think they have constructive comments - and i'm sure they do)

Bush and Blair

Endless love

(very silly i know)

like stories begging to be read

i bought myself eleven red roses. pick one for me, would you?

i watch the couple in front of me. she has a beautiful smile and on her lap is a crossword puzzle. he smiles when she gets it right and it doesnt bother him that she guesses before he does. she does not intimidate him how could she she lays her head on his shoulder and she has a beautiful smile. she glances at me and she looks at the roses and she smiles and i smile and i bought myself red roses today.

she has samples of painkillers, she tears them open one by one and throws the pieces on the floor and i look in her eyes and i see the anger and the pain and the hate. she feels fat and ugly and tired she swallows the pills and i look down i escape her gaze i am not judging you i am feeling you throw away everything scream it all out make a scene just let it go

the handsome boy with the navy blue t-shirt and "Honorary Oooompa Looompa" printed in white. he lays his head against the window he may be thirteen but he looks a lot older. he smiles at me and even his smile seems sad and old why are you not happy what's bothering you are you going to see the game tonight then why arent you excited

why do people smile at me am i always the caretaker you asked and i said yes it's a gift it is not me i was born this way
i can see him, holding her hand and reaching for his keys Rob loves Molly forever and when she wakes up they leave the train she doesnt see what he had said and he smiles as they leave and he kisses her hair
i look at their faces and every single one of them is beautiful every single one of them even that girl there is so much beauty waiting to explode i want to touch her face and move her hair away from her eyes and everything is gonna be alright
it felt like such a perfect day the doors open and then they close and then we slowly move away

"President Bush said the United States is still under the threat of attack and will continue to be right up until Election Day."
-- Jay Leno

have a wonderful day

and by talk i mean

The Bush administration has defended its partial release of a report linking the Iraq conflict to global terrorism against calls for the full report

and why you ask?

Press secretary Tony Snow said releasing the full report, portions of which President Bush declassified on Tuesday, would jeopardize the lives of agents who gathered the information (AP)

no.

With President Bush apparently set to make another national address by the end of this week - the subject, we’re told, is terrorism again - the White House campaign for public opinion on the war in Iraq and the terrorists Mr. Bush called “mean people” on Tuesday, remains at full throttle. (NY times)

mean people. so so mean. stop it. really now.

how about more of this and less talk, yes?

Children in the eastern Democratic Republic of Congo have begun attending school this week instead of sifting for minerals in a vast open-cast mine.

from BBC
"Some 250 children in the province of Katanga have been given school places in the town of Kigoma. The project is being run by a Belgian organisation, Groupe One, with funding from the government in Brussels and the UN children's agency, Unicef.

Eight-year-old twins Decu and Kabu and their friend 15-year-old Cedric told the BBC how they wanted to go to school but their families could not afford the fees.
Cedric told the BBC this week he was thrilled to be at school "to become more intelligent and to have the opportunity to improve my life".
Cut-off date
A total of 250 former child miners aged between eight and 15 began at Maman Mbuyi school this week.Fees of $75 per year for primary school pupils and $100 (£53) per year for older pupils are being covered by the scheme run by Groupe One. That money includes the cost of new uniforms, often an extra expense families cannot afford. Help is also being provided to the children's families to cover the loss of income."

you.

and then it started to rain.


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(music: J. Hisaishi)

thank god for deadlines

not only do i have severe memory loss, but i just discovered (admitted/accepted/acknowledged) that i am a procrastinator. big time. deadly mix i tell you. and i convince myself that the reasons for doing so are obvious and legitimate. i mean i wasn't a few years back. but then there was grad school. so. i always thought that these things you are either born with or not. sad.

...

but you are. delicate.
you must leave. she sleeps with her eyes open.
i want all of you. or nothing.
but you are wearing white today.
i will erase everything. absolutely everything.
stay. till she wakes up.
no. i wont beg for time with you.
He broke open an orange with his nails, split it in two with his hands, and showed Erendira what was inside. Stuck in the heart of the fruit was a genuine diamond.
but will you stay.
for as long as you want me to. no crying.

i.n.s.o.m.n.i.a

can you hear them the cars the noise the people they're screaming but no one can hear them but i can hear them it's dawn i'm asleep but my eyes are open and i can hear them i can hear you and the moon is in my eyes the mess i'm in its dawn you're there i'm here who are you what have i done is this really happening why do i feel there is someone else in my bed in my head a rollercoaster in my head all i want is to be with you i told you then why the pain the silence the pauses is it her do you love me why do you pause when i ask have you ever made love to a movie let's run away together somewhere old somewhere i ask you how much and you tell me the sand the sea the galaxy

(pic from Hou's Millenium mambo)

while she waited for the bus

i am sorry

postdoc- a day in the life

7 - yalla get up

coffee bagel email i dont read the news anymore i dont want the news anymore

scan blogs wish i can read blogs wish i can blog

dress

8 30 - bus

read my eyes hurt khalas today will call ipod people

9 - work write read should clean bench an email from you should organize notes an email to you what are they talking about no lunch today?

9 - maybe time to go home forgot to call ipod people

10 - home this cat is still there at my door who are you what do you want phone leave me alone close everything mute everything i need silence just a moment of it

eat check email scan blogs wish i can read blogs wish i can blog phone i hate it undress shower hot splashes hit my aching body

1 - my bed your voice i fall asleep to a dream

there was something about her

..the little girl and her dad

come back..

Noam Chomsky: You Ask The Questions

The Independent
28 August 2006

How did you feel about the lack of a swift UN intervention in the recent Lebanon crisis?
The first requirement was an immediate cease-fire. That was blocked by Washington, presumably to allow maximal destruction by the invasion - the US-Israeli invasion, according to the (accurate) perception of 90 per cent of Lebanese. That call should have been accompanied by a demand for withdrawal of the invading army and reparations, unthinkable given the distribution of power. The resolution that was passed is deeply flawed, a separate matter.

Can Israelis and Palestinians ever live peacefully together in one state?

Perhaps, but it would have to be approached in stages. Since the 1970s, an international consensus has crystallised on the first stage: a two-state settlement on the internationally recognised borders, with minor and mutual adjustments. That has been barred by the US and Israel, with inconsequential departures. The US-Israeli alliance is now working to undermine the option by their programs of "convergence": annexation, dismemberment, and imprisonment (by takeover of the Jordan Valley), cynically described as "courageous withdrawal". If these policies can be reversed, and the first stage achieved, then further steps are possible.

Surely the US, UK and Israel are guilty of war crimes?

In the case of Lebanon, there is little doubt. Ample reasons have been given by Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch, and that's a bare beginning. But guilt extends far beyond. The Bush-Blair invasion of Iraq, for example, is a clear example of what the Nuremberg Tribunal determined to be "the supreme international crime", which encompasses all the evil that follows. We would do well to recall the eloquent words of Nuremberg chief counsel Justice Robert Jackson: "We are handing the defendants a 'poisoned chalice', and if we sip from it, we must accept the same judgement." The conclusions seem clear enough.

After all the lies about the "war on terror", why has nobody in America started procedures to impeach George Bush?

There are several efforts, but there is unlikely to be any outcome in the absence of a genuine opposition party.

Do you believe Israel should exist, why and in what form?

As a Zionist youth leader in the 1940s, I was among those who called for a binational state in Mandatory Palestine. When a Jewish state was declared, I felt that it should have the rights of other states - no more, no less.
Why should the US exist, sitting on half of Mexico, including Florida, conquered in a violent racist war carried out in violation of the Constitution?
And we can ask much the same about other states. State formation has been a brutal project, with many hideous consequences. But the results exist, and their pernicious aspects should be overcome.

Where do you find the courage?

For people as lucky as we are, it takes no courage.

read the rest here

beyond the mesh

.. i found a home.

of love and other demons

so many tales

of memories and wishes
of yearnings and fears

of greiving and hopes
of longing and dreams

but tell me..
is this all you've got?

or will you
tend to my wounds
and embrace my scars
i burn for you
and because of you

so tell me..
once and for all
will you come home?

definitely not a war post

sort of like
a silly post

i'm feeling
kind of
Blu

i should have
left with you

The Lebanon War, a Post-Mortem

just read this article in Counterpunch published yesterday, here's a little summary for you

Israeli Militarism and the Necessity of a One-State Solution

Alan Hart

"I can see two--One State of Palestine for All and real, lasting peace, or Catastrophe for All... and by "All" I don't just mean Israeli Jews and the Arabs of the region; I mean all of us, everywhere.


...I want to quote to you now from one of my Panorama interviews with Golda Meir. At a point I interrupted her to say: "Prime Minister I want to be sure I understand what you're saying... You are saying that if ever Israel was in danger of being defeated on the battlefield, it would be prepared to take the region and the whole world down with it?" Without the shortest of pauses for reflection, Golda replied: "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."

...The idea of Israel as a fully functioning democracy is a seriously flawed one. It's true that Israeli Jews are free to speak their minds (in a way that most Jews of the world are frightened to do), and to that extent it can be said that Israel has the appearance of a vibrant democracy... But in reality, and especially since the countdown to the 1967 war, it's Israel's generals who call most of the policy shots, even when one of them is not prime minister.
In June 1967 Israel's prime minister of the time, the much maligned Levi Eshkol, did not want to take his country to war. The war was imposed upon him by the generals, led by Dayan. What really happened in Israel in the final countdown to that war was something very close to a military coup in all but name.

...And that's where we are today--the generals effectively calling the shots in Israel, to the applause of the neo-cons. Why, really, did Israel's generals want to make war on Lebanon? I think there were two main reasons. The first was that Israel's generals believed they should and could restore the "deterrent power" of the IDF. The second main reason for the insistence of Israel's generals on 12 July this year that war was the only option...? I think it's also more than reasonable to presume that they saw the opportunity to ethnically cleanse Lebanon up to the Litani River, with a view, eventually, to occupying and then annexing the ethnically cleansed territory. For Zionism this would be the fulfillment of the vision of modern Israel's founding father, David Ben-Gurion - a Zionist state within "natural" borders, those borders being the Jordan River in the East and the Litani River of Lebanon in the north.

...And in summary of all that I've said this evening, what I really think comes down to this: The equation is a very simple one: No justice for the Palestinians = no peace for any of us"

read the rest here

unbearable bouts of nostalgia

the smell of polluted traffic
the sun on your arms
the sweat in your hair

the scent of the gardenias around my wrist
the taxi's zammour
his curses and yells

suddenly remembering forgetting to stop
for the 'rabtet khebez inti w jeyeh'

the sea on my lips the salt on my skin-
another sunburn today

the unmistakable smell of beirut
the instant smile right as you exit the plane

on the balcony with chai and mne2eesh
w labneh w zaitoun
w ba3ed shwayyet zeit

i am aching for you
and everything i knew
all that i love and all that i hate

you're burning inside of me
damn you
it hurts so much to love you

silence.

(pic)

Robert Fisk: As the 6am ceasefire takes effect... the real war begins

Robert Fisk discusses a not so optimistic outcome of the cease fire, which theoretically begins in a few hours

"The real war in Lebanon begins today. The world may believe - and Israel may believe - that the UN ceasefire due to come into effect at 6am today will mark the beginning of the end of the latest dirty war in Lebanon after up to 1,000 Lebanese civilians and more than 30 Israeli civilians have been killed. But the reality is quite different and will suffer no such self-delusion: the Israeli army, reeling under the Hizbollah's onslaught of the past 24 hours, is now facing the harshest guerrilla war in its history. And it is a war they may well lose

...The Israeli military appears to be efficient at destroying bridges, power stations, gas stations and apartment blocks - but signally inefficient in crushing the "terrorist" army they swore to liquidate..."

read the rest here

i hope he's wrong.

are you politically correct?

'The rules of Political correctness'

"Rule # 1 : In the Middle East, it is always the Arabs that attack first, and it's always Israel who defends itself. This is called "retaliation".

Rule # 2: The Arabs, whether Palestinians or Lebanese, are not allowed to kill Israelis. This is called "terrorism".

Rule # 3: Israel has the right to kill Arab civilians, this is called "self-defense", or these days "collateral damage".

Rule # 4: When Israel kills too many civilians. The Western world calls for restraint. This is called the "reaction of the international community".

Rule # 5: Palestinians and Lebanese do not have the right to capture Israeli military, not even a limited number, not even 1 or 2.

Rule # 6: Israel has the right to capture as many Palestinians as they want (Palestinians: around 10,000 to date, 300 of which are children, Lebanese: 1000s to date, being held without trial). There is no limit; there is no need for proof of guilt or trial. All that is needed is the magic word: "terrorism"

Rule # 7: When you say "Hezbollah", always be sure to add "supported by Syria and Iran"

Rule # 8: When you say "Israel", never say "supported by the USA, the UK and other European countries", for people (God forbid) might believe this is not an equal conflict.

Rule # 9: When it comes to Israel, don't mention the words "occupied territories", "UN resolutions", "Geneva conventions". This could distress the audience of Fox.

Rule # 10: Israelis speak better English than Arabs. This is why we let them speak out as much as possible, so that they can explain rules 1 through 9. This is called "neutral journalism".

Rule # 11: If you don't agree with these rules or if you favor the Arab side over the Israeli side, you must be a very dangerous anti-Semite. You may even have to make a public apology if you express your honest opinion"

(isn't democracy wonderful?)

Also, check out Ari Shavit's new article in Haaretz: Olmert cannot remain in the prime minister's office

note: to those of you who haven't noticed the quotation marks at the beginning and end of this post, please do. I recieved this as an email and thought it was worth posting it here. apparently it was translated from french by Maya (happy now Maya?)

happy now?

'Mass murder on an unimaginable scale' intended

your raci-oops i mean "policy"- in the Middle East never ceases to amaze me. you guys are just brilliant.

every morning

every morning
in the subway
i watch you sit by
and watch my people die and my country crumble
into pieces before your eyes
and my heart starts to race
and i look away
i switch to Bach and i close my eyes
and i think of them
buried under the ground, homeless, in despair
and i look back at you
how could you let this happen?
is it because we're dark-skinned? is it because we're cheap to you?
this isn't right
and my heart races even more
and i want to throw your books your ipods your newspapers away and scream in the middle of the subway
but i dont
and i close my eyes
and i pray
to no one
because no one is listening
but i am losing my mind
so i pray

quick note

i apologize for my ignorance.

so many things that i thought were true are actually not.

and so many things that i did not believe, have been happening all along.

i apologize for not recognizing injustice when it stared me right in the face, and for blindly accepting what i've been told while what i should have been doing was getting off my ass and finding out for myself.

the description of my blog used to read that i'm "constantly seeking truth", well, that was a lie. unintentional, but still, a lie.

i'm probably not making sense at all to most of you, sorry about that too.

Peace, Propaganda and the Promised Land

Originally posted by jij and mirvat

This is an excellent documentary which examines how the American foreign policy, in combination with Israeli public relations strategies, distorts US news reporting and the American public opinion concerning the Middle East conflict.

please take the time to watch it here

...

allow me to pause this weekend. from the war, from the hate, from the news, from the analyses and predictions.

allow me to selfishly look away from the suffering and the chaos.

allow me to sleep again- without interrruptions. to read my book, to watch my movies.

too much negative energy. i need a break.

do me a favor and make love this weekend, we already have enough hate and anger to last us years.

smoke up if you absolutely need to.

see you guys monday. stay safe.

update: it's not working. i cant tune out. suggestions?

White flags, not a legitimate target

Israel must take responsibility for the dreadful human toll in Lebanon

published in Guardian Unlimited

Monday July 31, 2006 Day after day, Israeli government spokesmen insist that everything they are doing accords with international humanitarian law. Endless communiqués insist that Israel's behaviour is "proportionate". Let us be blunt: those claims are fantasy, as the carnage in Qana has shown once again.

I have seen my share of modern wars, as a researcher at Human Rights Watch. In Kosovo, Afghanistan and Iraq, we found many civilian casualties due to bombing campaigns. Civilians fleeing attacks were hit by mistake. In Iraq, US bombs often hit civilian homes, hours after Saddam Hussein or members of his inner circle had left, missing their legitimate targets but killing civilians. In Lebanon it is a very different picture. Time after time, Israel strikes at civilian homes and civilian vehicles attempting to flee the besieged southern border zone, killing families without any military objective in sight.

In an extraordinary, and extraordinarily revealing comment, the Israeli Justice Minister, Haim Ramon, reportedly said, "All those now in south Lebanon are terrorists who are related in some way to Hezbollah." So if you take to the roads to flee, you are a terrorist - who else would travel the southern roads now? And, if you stay at home because the danger is so great, you are also a terrorist. For the innocent civilian, there is literally no way out.

Take the example of Manal, a 22-year-old housewife, who had just arrived in Beirut when I met her a few days ago. For nearly two weeks, Israeli warplanes struck Manal's border village of Aitaroun, obliterating homes and families. A Canadian-Lebanese family vacationing in the village was killed; the next day, another rocket destroyed a home 100 meters away from Manal's house, killing at least nine members of a family. So many were killed in her village that she finds it difficult to remember all the names.

When the Israelis dropped leaflets instructing all villages south of the Litani River to evacuate immediately "for your own safety," Manal and dozens of her neighbors set off in three cars, waving white flags. As they left, an Israeli warplane dropped bombs 10 meters in front of and behind the convoy, which raced on. As far too many Lebanese civilians have found, Manal's experience is not exceptional, on the contrary.

In another case, Israeli forces struck the home of a Shi'a cleric Sheikh Adil Mohammad Akash, who was reportedly affiliated with Hezbollah but without a direct military role. Even if the sheikh had been a fighter, the bomb killed him, his wife, their ten children, and the family's Sri Lankan maid. The ratio of twelve for one reveals Israel's disregard for civilian lives.

Although mistakes are made in the fog of fighting, the pattern of Israeli behavior in southern Lebanon suggests a deliberate policy. My notebook overflows with reports of civilian deaths, day after day.

Israel blames Hezbollah for the massive civilian toll in Lebanon, claiming that they are hiding the rockets they are firing at Israel, in civilian homes, and that they are fighting from within the civilian population. This is a convenient excuse. Human Rights Watch has consistently documented Hezbollah's war crimes, including deliberate and indiscriminate attacks on Israeli civilians, as well as the taking of hostages. But our investigations have not found evidence to support Israeli allegations that Hezbollah are intentionally endangering Lebanese civilians by systematically fighting from civilian positions. We can't exclude the possibility that it happens - but time and again villagers tell us that Hezbollah is fighting from the hills. Meanwhile, the homes hit by Israel have only civilians in them.

The current Israeli actions are not only wrong, but - short of compelling evidence to the contrary, which so far is nowhere to be found - also war crimes. Israel's leaders, and their friends elsewhere in the world, must face up to that truth.

Peter Bouckaert is Emergencies Director at Human Rights Watch

'How can we stand by and allow this to go on?

America Should Stop the Bloodshed

WHAT: Peaceful demonstration and Silent candlelight vigil
WHEN: Wednesday, August 2nd, 5:00 pm
WHERE: Copley Square, Boston

www.justiceforlebanon.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

America Should Stop the Bloodshed

WHAT: Silent candlelight vigil

WHEN: Thursday, August 3rd, 7:30pm

WHERE: South side of Union Square Park, New York City

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robert Fisk

- The Independent

They wrote the names of the dead children on their plastic shrouds.

"Mehdi Hashem, aged seven - Qana," was written in felt pen on the bag in which the little boy's body lay.

"Hussein al-Mohamed, aged 12 - Qana"

"Abbas al-Shalhoub, aged one - Qana." And when the Lebanese soldier went to pick up Abbas's little body, it bounced on his shoulder as the boy might have done on his father's shoulder on Saturday. In all, there were 56 corpses brought to the Tyre government hospital and other surgeries, and 34 of them were children. When they ran out of plastic bags, they wrapped the small corpses in carpets. Their hair was matted with dust, most had blood running from their noses.

You must have a heart of stone not to feel the outrage that those of us watching this experienced yesterday. This slaughter was an obscenity, an atrocity-yes, if the Israeli air force truly bombs with the "pinpoint accuracy" it claims, this was also a war crime. Israel claimed that missiles had been fired by Hizbollah gunmen from the south Lebanese town of Qana-as if that justified this massacre. Israel's Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert, talked about "Muslim terror" threatening " western civilisation" -as if the Hizbollah had killed all these poor people.

And in Qana, of all places. For only 10 years ago, this was the scene of another Israeli massacre, the slaughter of 106 Lebanese refugees by an Israeli artillery battery as they sheltered in a UN base in the town. More than half of those 106 were children. Israel later said it had no live-time pilotless photo-reconnaissance aircraft over the scene of that killing-a statement that turned out to be untrue when The Independent discovered videotape showing just such an aircraft over the burning camp. It is as if Qana-whose inhabitants claim that this was the village in which Jesus turned water into wine-as been damned by the world, doomed forever to receive tragedy. And there was no doubt of the missile which killed all those children yesterday. It came from the United States, and upon a fragment of it was written: "For use on MK-84 Guided Bomb BSU-37-B". No doubt the manufacturers can call it "combat-proven" because it destroyed the entire three-storey house in which the Shalhoub and Hashim families lived. They had taken refuge in the basement from an enormous Israeli bombardment, and that is where most of them died.

I found Nejwah Shalhoub lying in the government hospital in Tyre, her jaw and face bandaged like Robespierre's before his execution. She did not weep, nor did she scream, although the pain was written on her face. Her brother Taisir, who was 46, had been killed. So had her sister Najla. So had her little niece Zeinab, who was just six. "We were in the basement hiding when the bomb exploded at one o'clock in the morning," she said. "What in the name of God have we done to deserve this? So many of the dead are children, the old, women. Some of the children were still awake and playing. Why does the world do this to us?"

Yesterday's deaths brought to more than 500 the total civilian dead in Lebanon since Israel's air, sea and land bombardment of the country began on 12 July after Hizbollah members crossed the frontier wire, killed three Israeli soldiers and captured two others. But yesterday's slaughter ended more than a year of mutual antagonism within the Lebanese government as pro-American and pro-Syrian politicians denounced what they described as "an ugly crime".

Thousands of protesters attacked the largest United Nations building in Beirut, screaming: "Destroy Tel Aviv, destroy Tel Aviv," and Lebanon's Prime Minister, the normally unflappable Fouad Siniora, called US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and ordered her to cancel her imminent peace-making trip to Beirut.

No one in this country can forget how President George Bush, Ms Rice, and Tony Blair have repeatedly refused to call for an immediate ceasefire - a truce that would have saved all those lives yesterday. Ms Rice would say only: "We want a ceasefire as soon as possible," a remark followed by an Israeli announcement that it intended to maintain its bombardment of Lebanon for at least another two weeks.

Throughout the day, Qana villagers and civil defence workers dug through the ruins of the building with spades and with their hands, tearing at the muck until they found one body after another still dressed in colourful clothes. In one section of the rubble, they found what was left of a single room with 18 bodies inside. Twelve of the dead were women. All across southern Lebanon now, you find scenes like this, not so grotesque in scale, perhaps, but just as terrible, for the people of these villages are terrified to leave and terrified to stay.

The Israelis had dropped leaflets over Qana, ordering its people to leave their homes. Yet twice now since Israel's onslaught began, the Israelis have ordered villagers to leave their houses and then attacked them with aircraft as they obeyed the Israeli instructions and fled. There are at least 3,000 Shia Muslims trapped in villages between Qlaya and Aiteroun- close to the scene of Israel's last military incursion at Bint Jbeil -and yet none of them can leave without fear of dying on the roads.

And Mr Olmert's reaction? After expressing his "great sorrow", he announced that: "We will not stop this battle, despite the difficult incidents this morning. We will continue the activity, and if necessary it will be broadened without hesitation." But how much further can it be broadened? Lebanon's infrastructure is being steadily torn to pieces, its villages razed, its people more and more terrorised - and terror is the word they used - by Israel's American-made fighter bombers. Hizbollah's missiles are Iranian-made, and it was Hizbollah that started this war with its illegal and provocative raid across the border. But Israel's savagery against the civilian population has deeply shocked not only the Western diplomats who have remained in Beirut, but hundreds of humanitarian workers from the Red Cross and major aid agencies.

Incredibly, Israel yesterday denied safe passage to a UN World Food Programme aid convoy en route to the south, a six-truck mission that should have taken relief supplies to the south-eastern town of Marjayoun. More than three quarters of a million Lebanese have now fled their homes, but there is still no accurate figure for the total number still trapped in the south. Khalil Shalhoub, who survived amid the wreckage in Qana yesterday, said that his family and the Hashims were just too "terrified" to take the road out of the village, which has been attacked by aircraft for more than two weeks. The seven-mile highway between Qana and Tyre is littered with civilian homes in ruins and burnt-out family cars. On Thursday, the Israeli Army's Al-Mashriq radio, which broadcasts into southern Lebanon, told residents that their villages would be "totally destroyed" if missiles were fired from them. But anyone who has watched Israel's bombing these past two weeks knows that, in many cases, the Israelis do not know the location in which the Hizbollah are firing missiles, and - when they do - they frequently miss their targets. How can a villager prevent the Hizbollah from firing rockets from his street? The Hizbollah do take cover beside civilian houses just as Israeli troops entering Bint Jbeil last week also used civilian homes for cover. But can this be the excuse for slaughter on such a scale?

Mr Siniora addressed foreign diplomats in Beirut yesterday, telling them that the government in Beirut was now only demanding an immediate ceasefire and was not interested any longer in a political package to go with it. Needless to say, Mr Jeffrey Feltman, whose country made the bomb which killed the innocents of Qana yesterday, chose not to attend.

YET ANOTHER MASSACRE: WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!

ANOTHER AIR-STRIKE BY ISRAELI CRIMINALS RESULTED IN ANOTHER MASSACRE IN QANA.

OUR CHILDREN ARE BEING SLAUGHTERED EVERY SINGLE DAY.

ANYONE WHO DOES NOT TRY TO PUT AN END TO THIS HORROR IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM IS AN ACCOMPLICE TO THESE CRIMES.

DONT JUST READ. DONT JUST WATCH.

DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING.

PROTEST.
WRITE.
PRAY.
EDUCATE.
CIRCULATE.
DONATE.


THIS MUST STOP IMMEDIATELY.

Lebanon's children..voices from an invasion

These are their stories..sent to us by Ramzi Kysia

....Hussein Hamoud, age 15, from Tyre: "I am now a refugee because of the war between Hezbollah and Israel, and Israel has tortured us, and destroyed our homes, and killed our children ... I've seen everything. I've seen killing and destruction - everything. We were sitting in our house [in Tyre] when suddenly Israel bombed a factory for manufacturing medicine that is near where we live. Firths thing, this factory has maybe more than forty workers. This factory helps a lot of people. It isn't related to war or to weapons. When they bombed, pieces from the bombs came to our home too. At the same time they bombed a building, and in this building there were a lot of killed people and injured, and some were my relatives. One of them killed was my friend... If Hezbollah is destroyed it will be easy for Israel to cross our borders at any time, and there will be no one to resist... Israel crossed our borders, and entered to our towns, and killed a lot, and destroyed a lot. This was not for self-defense ... I want to say something to George Bush: Ask Israel to cease-fire and stop destroying our homes. And for the Americans, if they are not believing what is happening here, to come and see for themselves. They will have the proof ..."

read the rest here

To every single one of you

..who chooses to stay, when all the rest have left

to the brave men and women who lend a helping hand for nothing in return

to the volunteers who risk their lives every hour of every day to rescue what remains

we say THANK YOU.

you are our true heroes.

read this and weep

Speaking on Israeli army radio, Mr Ramon - a close confidant of Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert - said " ... in order to prevent casualties among Israeli soldiers battling Hezbollah militants in southern Lebanon, villages should be flattened by the Israeli air force before ground troops moved in. He added that Israel had given the civilians of southern Lebanon ample time to quit the area and therefore anyone still remaining there could be considered a Hezbollah supporter. "All those now in south Lebanon are terrorists who are related in some way to Hezbollah," Mr Ramon said.

Israel says Wednesday's decision by key world powers not to call for a halt to its Lebanon offensive has given it the green light to continue.

read the rest if you can take more

and..live from hell, Ramzi Kysia reports,

The tactics used by many Arab militants should be resoundingly condemned. Both for targeting innocents and for bringing disaster on their own peoples. Even so, underneath America's scorn for Hezbollah and Hamas lies an incredible racism that pretends to believe that no Arab could possibly have any legitimate grievance with Israel. Even as Israel smashes their nations into oblivion. To deliver a solution to this crisis from out that racism is to birth a monster.
For a short time this week I allowed myself to feel some hope. But America's plan for "peace" amounts to throwing gasoline on an already raging fire and standing back while we all burn.

friday update: the morons have spoken

khalas..

no need

to argue

anymore

what they call "precision"

Breaking news: An Israeli air raid struck a United Nations observation post and killed fourU.N. observers in southern Lebanon, according to Lebanese security sources.

check out jimmy's post (mirvat you're right, it's amazing!).
and since you wont allow comments, we want to tell you: jimmy, we love it!

AS THE WORLD CONTINUES TO WATCH AND IGNORE

The UN's Jan Egeland has condemned the devastation caused by Israeli air strikes in Southern Lebanon and in Beirut, saying it is a violation of humanitarian law.

Death, destruction. Unimaginable human suffering.

And the most disgusting sight: George Bush in a playful mood sitting on his chair in St. Petersburg, with his loyal servant Tony Blair leaning over him, and solving the problem: "See? What they need to do is get Syria to get Hizbullah to stop doing that shit, and it's over."Thus spake the leader of the world, and the seven dwarfs - "the great of the world" - say Amen.

Candlelight vigil in NY this Thursday

As of saturday July 22nd, 2006

Death toll and displacement

• at least 330 civilians killed by Israeli air strikes.
• the UN emergency relief coordinator estimates that nearly a third of the casualties are children.
• So far, Israeli bombardment has displaced over 500,000 residents in Lebanon, which has a total population of 4 million.
• Aid agencies are warning of a looming humanitarian crisis for those left behind.

Infrastructure Targeted by Israel

over the past week Israel has attacked more than 100 villages, towns, and cities across the country resulting in the destruction of:

• Beirut International Airport
• Roads
• 46 bridges
• The country's largest milk factory (Liban Lait)
• A major food storehouse (Transmed)
• Two pharmaceutical plants
• Water processing plants
• Power plants
• Grain silos
• A convoy of two trucks carrying medical supplies donated by the UAE
• Two ambulances carrying Lebanese soldiers who were injured in an Israeli attack on their base that had killed 11 soldiers.
• A greek orthodox church with civilians who had taken refuge inside. at least 10 people were injured.
• Airstrikes toppled at least six transmission towers north of Beirut, disrupting phone and television service throughout northern Lebanon
• A Lebanese Broadcasting Corp. employee was killed and two others were wounded during the strikes at Mount Lebanon

Cease fire

• Lebanon's PM issued an urgent appeal to the international community. He said his country has been torn to shreds.
• The Bush administration has openly rejected calls for cease fire. The NY times reports that the US and Israeli officials have agreed that the bombing will continue for another week, and the US is speeding up bomb delivery to the Israelis.

to all my anonymous and non-anonymous smartass commentators

...who have suddenly become last minute middle east experts and are harrassing us at this address:

I have no more patience for your lame pathetic comments.
I am sick and tired of you and your insults, harassment, and distorted meaningless nauseating analyses.
what i'm really interested in right now is to find a way to completely shut down and get high.
so what i'm trying to say is: shut the fuck up, buzz off, and go play elsewhere.

Li Bayrout

PLEASE READ THIS


candlelight vigil in NY: http://mirvat.blogspot.com/2006/07/stop-bloodshed-check-previous-posts.html