Saturday, February 4, 2006

would you??

I had the shock of my life today, and if you know me you would know that when i get shocked i stay in "shock mode" for a while, and i can't rest until i let it alllllll out.
Apparently, a friend of mine and a few of his friends think it's a good idea to practice "online marriage". Basically, it seems there are websites especially designed for foreigners to contact gorgeous young ladies (and i stress gorgeous and young) from eastern europe for the purpose of marriage in exchange for a few thousand dollars. According to the "buyer", the girls do not get any money, but the agency does. According to my friend, who seems to be fed up from the women of his western european (presumably quite modern!) country as being "too independent" and for having "an attitude problem", he prefers to marry someone who (and i quote) "would appreciate more what he has to offer, and would not pack up and leave as soon as the riding gets rough". My friend and his friends think that it is a perfectly okay and modern way to meet people (young and gorgeous), and they actually feel that they are social caretakers since they will be helping the people in need in poor eastern european countries, and at the same time finding a nice girl (gorgeous and young) to fall in love with, marry, and be merry.
I think not. I was critisized as fairly judgemental when i called this love story a "business transaction". Well isn't it? isn't the guy going online, browsing a catalog of the merchandise, picking a few that are of his taste, trying them out for a few months (they get 3 months to get to know the loves of their lives), then finally picking one to be for happliy ever after. Oh and before i forget, paying a few thousand dollars to close the deal.
I have utmost respect for those women. If I were them I may have done the same thing. I may have taken any opportunity to get me out of that hole and into a place where i and my family back home can live a better life.
But how will this ever result in a healthy union?! it's a business transaction for God's sake! after the lovey dovey era is over (2 yrs max), all is left is the differences in culture and social standards and dreams and background and interests and values. and one day while they're having a heated arguement he wouldn't help but blurt out that it was him who brought her there and that's what matters and end of story.
I wonder, isn't this the whole point of this transaction? the feeling of power? isn't this exactly what my friend and his friends are pissed off at, that women these days can stand up and leave when they have had enough because they can. and these are the europeans who are still thinking this way! they feel better when the woman comes in a package with submissive feelings , because without him , she would still be back there and not here where he is, sleeping in his house, and living his life.
what do you think? would you do it?

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not all of us want the same thing out of life, nor do we have the same ideals or personal strenghts. Your drama as always comes from lack of objectivity.

Have you seen this? http://imdb.com/title/tt0188453/

2:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lailaaaaaaa I'm sick :( I have the flu... and I'm talking to your message board cause I have noone to talk to how sad... but at least my dissertation is done! now post more stuff so I can have something to do

2:46 PM  
Blogger Laila K said...

issam, i am explicitely stating my opinion which is against this whole idea. so obviously, i am not even trying to be objective. i am also asking what you would do? what is your opinion? i specifically want you NOT to be objective, i need to know what you think. that's the whole point! and by the way, respect my dramas!!

11:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's wrong with business transactions?

I would do it, if it were a matter of desperation.. then again, as long as the chemistry is there, then there is no issue... Otherwise things wouldn't work out and oh well....

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok ok I was trying to avoid to think... Let me go against something you said first before you think I'm becoming nice:

"I have utmost respect for those women. If I were them I may have done the same thing. I may have taken any opportunity to get me out of that hole and into a place where i and my family back home can live a better life"

First of all, while I'm not a judgemental person, I would never go as far as saying that I have the "utmost respect" to women who are pretty much prostituting themselves in order to have a good life. I'd say whatever floats their boat, but I'd certainly not admire them. I'd admire them a lot more if they were trying to do something to change their lives remotely or contribuing to change at home.

And your friends are very frustrated and insecure. If I were to analyze them psychologically I'd say that they are the kind of men who need to feel power to be validated, whether at home, at work or sexually, and apparently they are not successful and can't derive pleasure in any other way. Of course I don't know them, so if they're reading this, I'm not judging you, you just fit the profile :) But please, I just went to a mail bride website to check it out and they're marketed as "a traditional wife from a traditional culture where the man is the centre of the family". I'd much rather "keep" the woman by having her "want" to stay with me because of who I am and what I represent. I know it's a lot more complex than this, but it's a start.

I believe the beginning of happiness, comfort, and security in any aspect of life is to first be satisfied with yourself. Once you're comfortable enough with yourself, you are ready to be happy with the world. So have a date with yourself every now and then, and once you start feeling lonely, then ur ready for a real "connection".

12:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Typo: Once you *STOP* feeling lonely lol

12:21 AM  
Blogger rouba said...

Don't be shocked, it happens off line all the time. People marry for material reasons/security and rarely for love in this world.
Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice opens with
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that any man in possession of good fortune must be in want of a wife".
And Jane never got married..
Ok enough I need to sleep it is 2AM and i'm quoting jane austen this is pathetic!!! Bonne nuit ya zghiri..

3:13 AM  
Blogger Fouad said...

I love you

11:06 AM  

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