happy birthday my darling.

I drive you to the airport. you are leaving again.
I make you laugh at my little stories.
you hum Wadee3 El Safi.
I glance at you. I am 10 again.
you tell me you're taking the fig branch. you know where you'll plant it. you have reserved a spot for it and protected it with metal railings and a "no parking" sign. you will watch it grow from your office window. I laugh at you. Later you will send me pictures and the tears will finally run as I remember how painful it is to miss you.

you tell me the figs are delicious, they remind you of the village.
you tell me you will retire in 3 years. you tell me that every year.
you say you dream about the day when you'll be back, to the playground you left too early.

I hate the times we're in because your dreams are still dreams.

We're there. As usual, I lose my voice.
I look away. I help you with your bags.
I wish you a safe trip.
I wish you would never leave.
I still cry after you go. I am 10 again.

dad, I adore you. I dont think I will ever tell you. I cant.

I thank you. for reminding me to be real and fair. for teaching me to love big and to dream big. for the letters you used to send me. for your spirituality, for your standards, for your sacrifices.

happy birthday, I still believe you will live forever. with you I will always be ten.

loul.